


You Are My Forever

by RNluvs2write



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Happy Ending, Sexual Assault, Stalking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:34:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RNluvs2write/pseuds/RNluvs2write
Summary: Dr. Claire Browne has never had much, but determined to become a surgeon she scratched and crawled her way out of the dark pit of her childhood to make her dreams come true. Deprived of the love of her mother and never knowing her father could have made her bitter, but it didn't.  Claire has a heart of gold and is on the brink of making her dreams come true, but her success has come at a cost. She struggles with abandonment issues; her fear of being hurt and left alone leaves her with an ability to build thick walls around her heart.Dr. Neil Melendez commands respect and validation; much like Claire he also has walls firmly in place to prevent being vulnerable and subject to emotional pain. He's known Claire was special from the moment he met her. Her sweet nature and ability to connect with patients reminds him of why he became a surgeon. She rattles him as no one ever has before and he soon finds himself hiding behind hospital policy and his strict moral compass as she wiggles her way into his heart and mind.Will these two brilliant, lonely souls be able to chip away at the walls they've both built and find the happiness they deserve?
Relationships: Claire Browne/Neil Melendez
Comments: 46
Kudos: 50





	1. Unwanted

**Author's Note:**

> I've been binge watching The Good Doctor while home on Covid quarantine and fell in love with the show, especially Claire and Neil. There was chemistry between them from the start that just continued to sizzle as Neil helped Claire overcome so much loss and Claire eased Neil out of his shell. Now, one thing you should know about me is that I never, ever, watch a movie or TV show without looking up spoilers. I refuse to invest my emotion into characters I love just to have some idiot writer/producer yank the rug out from under me when I least expect it. That said, I didn't google spoilers for The Good Doctor after my 17 year old son assured me none of my beloved characters died. I didn't know he hadn't reached the end of Season 3. My curiosity got the best of me and I googled spoilers for The Good Doctor. I. Am. So. Pissed. I'm heartbroken and disgusted at the disrespect the writers/producers of this show were to the actors, characters and fans. I watched the "I love you" scene and cried, ugly cried. Then I decided to fix it. I'll never watch another episode of the show so I've had to rearrange events and make changes for the timeline based on what I've read and some clips I've seen on YouTube of Neil and Claire. Neil is NOT dead. Period. I'm also an RN of twenty years with plenty of time spent in ICU and Cardiovascular ICU so I'll do my very best to bring that experience to the story. I'm out of Covid quarantine and back to work so all the emotion I'm seeing will be poured into this story. I am very tired so please forgive any grammatical errors. I'm hoping the changing of the timeline will be well received. I decided to take things much farther with Dr. Coyle's harassment. I'm not sure why the show writers didn't do this. First of all this happens in healthcare more frequently than anyone wants to think about and secondly, Eric Winter played the part so well that I'd have liked to see how far he'd take the harassment of Claire. The character of Coyle is a classic narcissist/sociopath and could have played out for a lot longer. These jerks don't stop with a caress, they push it farther and that's what I'm going to write. I don't want to torture Claire, but you'll see that Coyle's dangerous personality traits push her to stand up for herself, to heal, and of course lean on Neil as she recovers from the trauma. I hope you all enjoy this, I'd love comments and ideas of what you'd like to see so please, comment ideas and we'll see where they go. All of us Melendaire shippers deserve this! I'll consider any story line requests so if there is something you would like to see with the characters comment and let me know! All I ask is that if you hate it just move on; between my work during this pandemic I see enough bickering and negativity. Constructive criticism, however, is always welcome. One last thing, I'm a die hard rock/metal fan so you may see some song lyrics that I find fitting along the way.

Claire couldn't deny she was disappointed not to be involved in Ato's case but today was decent. Dr. Coyle was open and encouraging, if not a little too friendly. She shrugged that thought off as she pulled on her tee shirt and shut her locker. Dr. Coyle was an adept surgeon, though he certainly had nothing on Dr. Melendez. Dr. Melendez was a very talented surgeon and his work appeared to come naturally to him. She had learned so much in two and a half years she'd worked under him. Under him. She smiled and leaned back against her locker, indulging in a moment of fantasy. How she'd love to be under him, over him and everything in between.

That would never happen, of course. Neil Melendez was was nothing if not stoically professional and stubborn. At worst he considered her a pain in the ass resident, well, maybe not now. Recently they had actually developed a strong friendship, but that was it. Maybe. Yeah, she was definitely in the friend zone no matter that Shaun insisted, loudly, that Dr. Melendez flirted with her and she him. There was definitely something that hummed between them; she blushed furiously whenever he complimented her and if his hand happened to brush hers her belly tightened and tingled and he did tend to give her lingering looks. Or was that just her imagination sparked, again, by Shaun commenting that Dr. Melendez looked at Claire more than any of the other residents, stood next to her more than he did the other residents. No, no, she was his resident first and foremost and trusted friend, running companion and occasional bowling partner. Still, in the back of her mind she imagined there was more. She'd shared more of her life with Neil than she'd ever shared with anyone. When she needed a friend he always came through for her. On the track or even bowling the openness between them was easy and both were comfortable sharing almost everything with the other. Maybe they were more than friends. At work they had a professional relationship but lately things had been...a little different. 

Attending doctors didn't form personal relationships with their residents. Well, some did, but it was frowned upon and many a female physician had been accused of sleeping their way through residency. Some women did sleep their way through residency but surely some fell in love and what gave anyone a right to dictate when and how someone fell in love, much less judge them for it and tarnish a career? Whoa. Fall in love? She needed to stop that train of thought right now. She was definitely not in love with Dr. Melendez. Attracted? Yes. Infatuated? Yes. In love? Y...No! "Come on Claire," she said aloud to herself, "you need to go to bed."

"Sounds like a plan to me," a deep male voice startled her.

Startled, she turned and found Dr. Coyle leaning against the wall in the locker room, "Dr. Coyle? Is there some documenting I forgot to do?"

"No," he lazily took a couple of steps toward her, grinning, "I thought you might want to grab a drink with me?"

"Oh, well, thank you, but no. I need to go home and relax, go to bed and get ready for a big surgery tomorrow morning. Thank you, though," she said, unnerved as he continued to walk towards her. Before she knew it his hands cupped her shoulders and turned her so her back was to him, his hands kneading her shoulders.

"Well, we could skip the bar and just have a drink at my place. As you can tell, I give one hell of a massage," leaning down he murmured in her ear, "I'll have you rested, relaxed and even make you breakfast to get you off to a good start tomorrow."

Claire tried to squirm out of his grasp as he kissed her neck but his hands tightened painfully on her shoulders. "Um, Dr. Coyle, you're making me uncomfortable. Please let me go," she tried to yank herself away from him which proved futile as his hands were now tightly gripping her upper arms.

"Claire," he said her name in a sing song tone, drawing it out into two syllables, "I've let you learn a lot today."

Finally able to tear out of his grip she faced him, "And you think I should sleep with you because you did your job? I said no and I mean no. Let me by," she tried to move past him, but found herself slammed against the wall of the locker room.

"You fuck Melendez," he shrugged.

"No I don't!" She nearly shouted, only to have him place his hand over her mouth.

"Please," he drawled pleasantly, softly, "everyone sees you two mooning over each other. I just want my share."

Heart pounding in fear she took advantage of one of his hands being over her mouth and bit him. When he jerked away she took a few steps forward, drew back and punched him, surprising him, but not enough that she was able to move past him. Now she was trapped as he slammed her against the wall again, much harder this time.

"You shouldn't have done that, Claire. I was being nice. I'll give you one more chance, though."

The gleam in his eyes was terrifying. He was enjoying this. Do not cry, Claire, do not cry. Show no fear, Claire. Don't give him the satisfaction she told herself.

"You leave me no choice but to take my concerns about your inappropriate relationship with Dr. Melendez to the board."

Claire's jaw dropped, "There are no concerns to take to the board!"

He smiled again, "Whose word do you think they are going to take, Claire? The concerns of a well established physician or....yours?"

Claire was numb, couldn't believe what was happening. Fear clogged her throat and she did the only thing she could. She screamed for help.

Things quickly escalated after that, he placed his left hand to her throat and squeezed as his right hand found it's way up her shirt, down her pants, squeezing everywhere he touched. She tried to fight him off but he swatted her hands away effortlessly and squeezed her throat tighter. As her peripheral vision darkened she felt a surge of adrenaline and kicked at him, hard. His hand on her throat let up slightly as he let out a grunt of pain. She took in gulps of air only to be interrupted by the crack of his fist against her cheek. Her vision darkened again as she felt his mouth crash down on hers. She had no idea how long it lasted, how long she struggled until she heard banging on the locker room door.

Coyle immediately released her and she crumpled to the floor, gasping for breath. She glanced at Coyle and he was looking at the door when they both heard Shaun calling for her. "Claire are you in there? Are you naked? I don't want to see you naked. Dr. Melendez wants to see us in his office."

Coyle leaned low and growled in her ear, "You keep your mouth shut!" Then, for added measure kicked her midsection and turned to the door, "We need help in here!"

Shaun came in and Coyle said to him, voice full of concern, "I found her like this, we need to get her some help. I'll go for help, you tend to her," turning to Claire he said, "Hang in there Dr. Brown, it'll be alright."

Shaun was very upset at when he saw Claire and began to rock back and forth, hitting himself in the head. Claire crawled forward, slowly, using a chair to get to her feet. "Shaun," she croaked softly, trying to calm him.

"You're hurt. You're bleeding," Shaun's voice rose, escalating to near panic.

"Shaun," she gasped, "It's okay. I'm okay. I'm going home though, Shaun. Okay? Everything is okay. You go see Dr. Melendez and you can fill me in tomorrow," Claire used every ounce of energy she had to reassure him. She had to get home, had to be alone. 

"Okay," Shaun said simply, still hitting himself in the head as he exited the locker room.

Neil was at his desk reviewing imaging of the patient they would be taking to OR tomorrow when Shaun burst into his office, clearly agitated. "Shaun? What's wrong?" Neil wasn't happy when Glassman had assigned an autistic surgeon to his team but the kid was brilliant. His social skills, as they were, needed fine tuning. He watched as the young surgeon rocked back and forth and hit himself in the head as he tried to speak. Neil knew better than to rush him, giving him time to settle down.

"She's injured," Shaun stuttered.

Neil's eyebrows drew together, "Who is injured Shaun?"

Shaun rocked back and forth some more, finally stuttering, "Claire is bleeding. Claire is bleeding. He choked her."

Neil was immediately on his feet, rounding the corner of his desk, feeling his blood go cold, "Who...where is she, Shaun?"

"In the locker room. I told her you wanted to see us. Claire is bleeding. I saw. He said he found her there but I saw. He is lying. He was choking Claire."

Trying to tamp down his rising panic he kept his voice steady so as not to upset Shaun, "Someone hurt Claire in the locker room, Shaun? Is that what you're telling me?"

"Yes. He was choking her. Claire is bleeding. She went home. She said she was going home," Shaun pulled his hair.

"Did you see who was hurting her, Shaun?" Neil kept his voice calm as his insides churned.

"Dr. Coyle. Dr. Coyle beat up Claire just like when I used to get beat up."

Fuck! Neil slammed his hand onto his steering wheel, wishing the idiot in front of him would speed the hell up. After Shaun told him about Claire he'd run out of his office headed to the parking garage, taking a moment to call Andrews to tell him he was leaving, citing a family emergency. His only thought was getting to Claire. How badly was she injured? Apparently enough to rattle the hell out of Shaun. He'd left Shaun with instructions to finish his shift and not to mention this to anyone. Running his hands through his hair he tried to ignore the numerous hospital policies he was violating. He shouldn't be driving like a mad man to get to Claire, he should have taken Shaun to Andrews and Glassman to report what he saw so the hospital and police could investigate the claim.  
Claire wasn't a claim. She was his resident. His responsibility. Bullshit he thought. Claire was a friend. Bullshit again. Fine, yes, they had a comfortable friendship, a platonic friendship. After her mother died perhaps he'd made himself available to her on a more personal level than was appropriate but that was it. They had long, comfortable talks on the balcony out side his office and ran together regularly. A platonic friendship had blossomed and grown to...to what? Inappropriate thoughts about her? Maybe. She was a beautiful, brilliant young woman with a heart of pure gold. It showed in her work, which was already impressive. She connected with patients in a way he'd never seen. How could any man not find that attractive? Besides, he had it under control. He'd never, ever risk her reputation by acting on his feelings. Feelings? Get a grip, Melendez. Get a grip. His only concerns about Claire were that of a friend. "Keep telling yourself that," he muttered as he pulled into her driveway.

  
He ran to her front door, knocking, "Claire? It's Neil, let me in."

Claire could hear Neil at her door but was busy emptying her stomach in the bathroom. Neil was here. She sobbed in relief; she knew poor Shaun would be so upset that he'd tell Neil what happened and thought Neil would call or come by after his shift, after she had time to pull herself together but he was here now. Tears of gratitude filled her eyes, she had never had a friend who was there for her the way he was. A strong, comfortable bond had gradually blossomed between them after they began running together after her mother died. Running together led to grabbing coffee together and long talks on the balcony outside his office. Being with Neil was easy, comfortable; they could talk for hours about anything.

After someone, probably Morgan, filed a favoritism complaint against Neil they had to be more careful spending time together outside of work. They even faked a fight in front of the other residents to dispel any notion that anything inappropriate was going on. She shook her head as she remembered that day, they'd gone bowling that evening and she'd been embarrassed by how awful she was at bowling. They shouldn't have to go to such measures as faking a fight just so they could have a platonic friendship outside of work. Hearing Neil calling her name from outside she reached for her phone on the bathroom counter top, using her security app to unlock her front door.

Hearing the lock disengage Neil flung open the door and stepped into her tidy living room. Her home was bright and cheery, just like Claire. He heard gagging sounds coming from the bathroom, and, being familiar with her house it didn't take him long to find her kneeling on the floor in front of the toilet, vomiting. Immediately kneeling beside her he pulled her hair back with one hand and placed his other hand gently on her back. When her retching finally subsided Neil found a washcloth, ran it under cold water and knelt beside her again, pressing the cool cloth to her forehead.

The cool cloth felt wonderful. After a few deep breaths she moved to hold the cloth in place and asked Neil for mouthwash, her voice scratchy and coarse. A glass of mouthwash was quickly placed into her hands and she swished the minty fluid around her mouth and spit it into the toilet. When she'd arrived home she'd brushed her teeth until her gums bled, trying to get the taste of Coyle out of her mouth.

"Claire," Neil said softly.

Shaking her head, fresh tears fell from her eyes. She didn't want to Neil to see her like this, didn't want to see pity in his eyes.

Neil gently took the glass of mouthwash and the cool cloth and put them in the sink then slid down to sit on the floor, his back against the bathroom vanity. He had no idea what injuries she'd sustained and steeled himself as he gently reached for her and turned her to look at him. Claire slowly met his eyes and for a moment rage pounded through his veins; he had to force the rage away as he took in her battered face. The whole right side of her face was swollen and discolored, her right eye red and watering as tears fell freely over the bruises. She had a cut near her right eyebrow and her bottom lip was split.

Then he saw her neck. The beautiful skin of her throat was now marred with red, angry welts in the shape of Coyle's fingers. Clenching his jaw he made himself concentrate on breathing deeply; the last thing Claire needed was to see his fury. Right now she needed him calm. He knew she saw the flashes of emotion in eyes; shock and fury quickly giving way to concern.

The concern was her undoing as more tears bubbled out of her eyes, spilling down her cheeks and stinging the cut on her lip. Swallowing, she flinched at the pain in her raw throat. "It's bad isn't it?" She croaked, her voice coarse.

"Jesus Christ, Claire," he swore softly, the doctor in him worried about her throat and possible swelling that may restrict her airway, "Let me see your throat. Are you having trouble breathing?"

She slid over to sit beside him, leaning against her vanity, she lifted her head so he could inspect her neck, "I can breathe," she said, "It hurts to swallow but my airway isn't compromised," she closed her eyes as his fingers very gently slid over her throat. His gentle touch garnered more tears that spilled over and ran down her cheeks, onto his fingers. She winced, clearing her throat, "Shaun knocked on the door while he was...choking me. He let go of me pretty quickly. I don't think he damaged my airway."

Neil's observant eyes and gentle hands probed gently over her cheek bone, eye, and stopped at her split lip, gently running his thumb over her lip, "Are you hurt anywhere else?" He asked softly.

"My ribs. Nothing is broken, just bruised. There are multiple bruises and contusions."

Her voice was detached, even clinical as she spoke, almost as though she were speaking of a patient instead of herself. This worried Neil almost as much as her physical injuries. He stood and, reaching down, he scooped her up in his arms, carrying her to her bed where he could lay her down and assess her injuries.

"I can walk," she said unconvincingly, resting her head against his shoulder.

Ignoring her he laid her gently on her on the bed, reaching into the bag he'd brought and pulled out his penlight and stethoscope. He began by doing a neuro assessment, checking her eyes with the light and asking her to follow his finger with his eyes. He held out his hands and instructed her to squeeze his hands noticing her wince as she did so. He looked at her hands, noting her right hand was swollen and her knuckles were discolored. Frowning, he asked, "What happened to your hand?" After all, a surgeon's hands were priceless.

"I punched him," she replied.

A ghost of a smile tugged at his lips, "Of course you did," he said softly. She had the sweetest disposition in the world but was a fighter. Taking her right hand in his he gently probed and examined her hand. Satisfied that nothing appeared to be damaged he told her he would get her and ice pack after he finished checking her over. He then looked at the cut near her eyebrow, hoping the rage he was feeling didn't reflect on his face. It was apparent she'd been hit with a closed fist. Forcing himself to stay steady for her sake, he once again reached into his bag for some antiseptic and cleansed the cut. Claire remained still but he didn't miss her quick intake of breath at the sting of the antiseptic on her broken skin. He applied some steri strips to the cut, then moved to the cut on her lip, again reaching for the antiseptic, dabbing the cleanser to the cut. "I'm sorry, I know it stings." She nodded but said nothing as he cleansed the wound, then gently probed her face with gentle fingers. He knew he was hurting her but she remained stoic and still.

He gently brushed his fingers across her throat, moving his fingers in gentle circles over the angry, red marks, "Are you injured anywhere else?"

Neil's fingers were still lightly rubbing circles on her throat, the touch soothing, calming. She nodded at his question and slowly lifted her shirt to show him her rib cage. Her ribs hurt like hell.

Neil looked at the large bruise on her left rib cage, concern etched in his face. He looked at her questioningly.

"He kicked me," she said softly, "But I don't think anything is broken."

Neil took a deep breath, barely able to contain his emotions, "He kicked you?"

Claire nodded as Neil began gently probing the area. Goosebumps erupted on her skin as he touched her. Forcing himself into doctor mode he helped Claire sit up, his heart aching as she winced in pain. Placing his stethoscope on her chest he instructed her to take deep breaths. Satisfied that her breath sounds were good, that a broken rib hadn't punctured her lung, he placed the stethoscope back in the bag. "Are there any other injuries, Claire?"

Tears filled her eyes again, "They aren't serious."

Dread filled his heart, "Where?" The tears in her eyes spilled over as she looked at her hands in her lap, "My breasts," she whispered, shame and embarrassment evident on her face. 

Unable to contain his anger any longer Neil slammed his fist down on her coffee table, "Fuck!," he ran his hands through his hair, "That son of a bitch!"

Claire jumped at the outburst, "Don't, Neil. Your hand!" She admonished him. Neil looked at Claire sitting on her sitting up on the bed, her back leaning against the headboard. looking at him in concern. He ran his hands through his hair again, trying not to lose his mind. His sweet, tiny little Claire had been attacked, beaten, kicked, and she was worried about him hurting his hand. Of course she was. Claire was the kindest, most caring and giving person he'd ever known. She put everyone before herself, and yet, she was at the same time she was tough. She'd raised herself; had a mother who humiliated her in front of himself and the other residents by shouting at Claire that she was almost, and should have been, an abortion yet Claire kept giving her chance after chance. Claire had fought to scrape by and get herself through medical school. Alone. Claire blamed herself for her mother's death. Claire took on so much, yet she gave so much, loved so much...and that's one of the many reasons why he loved her. Loved her? He shook his head in resignation. Of course he loved her; there was no use denying it.

"Neil?" She said softly, interrupting his thoughts. Neil looked at her huddled on the bed. She was so little, so small, he didn't know how she'd withstood the beating she took, especially from someone the size of Coyle. Neil walked to the bed and sat down beside her. "Claire, we need to get you to the hospital. You need to be officially examined, talk to Glassman and probably the police."

She was shaking her head, "No. You already examined me and I'm not going to say anything about this to the hospital or the police."

"Claire, the hospital will take action and..."

"No!" She said vehemently, "No," she said again, her voice coarse.

He was bewildered, he thought Claire would fight like a wildcat and try and get Coyle's license suspended or taken away all together. It didn't make sense.

"Please Neil, not now," she begged.

Neil noticed her lip quivering, the tears pooled in her eyes. Idiot. She didn't need him telling her what to do right now. He leaned against the headboard beside her, positioning himself so he could gently lift her and place her on his lap. "I'm so sorry, Claire, the last thing you need right now is me barking orders at you. Come here," he pulled her against his chest."

"You won't say anything to anyone at the hospital?" Her coarse voice was muffled against his shirt.

"I won't do anything you don't want," he promised, kissing the top of her head.

His kiss to her head was her undoing and before she could stop it a sob escaped her. Neil's arms were immediately around her, gently holding her. As soon as his arms were around her she couldn't stop the sobs and let them wrack her body. She heard Neil swear softly. She didn't want to be weak, didn't want pity, but Neil's arms were a circle of safety. She let her head fall into the crook of his neck as he pressed kisses to the top of her head.

Cradling her in his lap he smoothed his hand over her hair, "It's okay, sweetheart," he whispered, feeling her tears wetting his neck.

She felt safe just being held, Neil's hand smoothing her hair, rubbing gentle circles along her back. She leaned into him, ignoring the pain in her rib cage, inhaling his scent and feeling safe and secure. "Let it out, Claire," he said gently.

Claire let out a long, keening wail that shook him to his soul; a sound so full of pain he knew he'd never forget. Feeling helpless, he tightened his hold on her as she trembled and sobs shook her body.

After the sobbing and tears finally subsided she was limp against Neil except for the occasional involuntary sob or hiccup. Being held and comforted was foreign to her. She thought it would make her feel weak, but she decided leaning on Neil, face buried into the crook of his neck, was way more comforting than crying into her cold pillow. "I got tears and snot all over you," she said quietly, embarrassed, but didn't lift her head.

"it's okay," he whispered.

"Is Shaun okay? He was so upset when he...found me."

"I don't know," he admitted, "He was pretty shook up when he came into my office. As soon as he told me what happened I left."

Claire sat up, wincing as she did, "I should check on him," she looked around for her phone.

"I'll call him," Neil said. You need to rest. He started to gently place her back on her bed but she held tightly to him, "I'm just going to get my phone so I can call Shaun."

"I want to go with you, I can get to the couch," she started to sit up.

"It's all right, I have you," he lifted her, carrying her to her couch, sitting down with her on his lap. He didn't even try to rationalize wanting to keep holding her. He wanted her in his arms to reassure himself she was all right and dammit, he as going to keep her in his arms. He reached for his phone that he'd hastily tossed on the coffee table as he'd rushed to her in the bathroom. He picked up his phone and dialed.

She couldn't help the way her her heart seemed to skip a beat when his arm tightened around her waist as she listened to Neil's side of the conversation with Shaun. Neil reassured Shaun that Claire would be okay and that is was very important that he not tell anyone what he had seen.

"It's what she wants, Shaun. It's very important to Claire that this remains private. Yes, I'm with her. Of course I'm being nice to her! No, Shaun, I'm not mad at her for going home and not coming to my office. No, she's not bleeding anymore. I'll tell her, Shaun. Yes. Okay. Goodbye, Shaun," ending the call, he put his phone on Claire's coffee table and turned to look at Claire.

Her battered face tore at his heart. "He's worried about you," he told her quietly.

She nodded, "Is he all right?"

Neil didn't immediately answer, rather he stared at Claire for a long time, tucking a strand of her curls behind her ear. "After all you've been through today you're still worrying about others," he said softly, looking into those hazel green eyes of hers he could see her concern for Shaun. "He's calm, Claire, and he agreed not to say anything to anyone about what happened."

Claire nodded, looking down at her hands. An awkward silence fell between them. Claire instinctively knew he wanted her to tell him what had happened and for some reason she wanted to tell him, wanted the relief of getting it out; she just didn't know where to start. As if he knew exactly what she was thinking he gently lifted her chin so she was looking him in the eye. No words were needed, which was the beauty of the friendship she had with Neil. Over the past months they'd grown comfortable talking and sharing with one another. There was never any judgement, just support and comfort. What had started out as conversations about work on the balcony outside of Neil's office morphed into the two of them discussing more personal matters; Neil opened up about his sister and his family and Claire shared many moments of her relationship with her mother, her trying to make a go of it with Dash and the relief she felt when she realized he wasn't the right guy. Claire had listened as Neil talked about his failed relationships with Jessica and his relief when he split with Audrey. Their conversations were always easy, flowing naturally between them.

"Claire, can you tell me what happened? If you'd be more comfortable I could call Morgan or Audrey," He said softly.

"No, I don't want to talk to Audrey or Morgan. Neil, you are my best friend. Inappropriate or not," she told him. Neil's heart swelled at her words but she went on before he could say anything. He listened in disgust as she told him she'd declined Coyle's offer for a drink, insinuating she'd stay the night with him. Disgust soon gave way to rage as she'd tearfully described the attack. Son. Of. A. Bitch. His blood boiled with rage as he struggled to keep his composure for Claire's sake. He could see every image her words described. He could see the struggle in his mind; Claire fighting, biting trying to get away from him. Coyle putting his hands inside her shirt, her pants, his hands around her neck. The bastard could have killed her. Coyle was a big man and Claire was just so...tiny. The images he was seeing, her voice as she was describing the struggle would never leave his mind. His chest ached for her, his heart shredded. He couldn't even try to reassure himself he'd feel the same way if this had happened to one of his other residents. This happened to Claire, his sweet, kind, loving little Claire who was all alone in a world that had shit on her enough for three lifetimes. He found himself cupping her face, wiping away her tears with his thumbs as she said she was thankful Shaun heard her cry for help.

Puzzled, he said, "Shaun said he saw him choking you. He must have cracked open the door enough to see. I know you don't want to tell anyone what happened, but you're bound to run into him at the hospital. Sweetheart do you know how hard that will be for you?"

She shook her head, "I don't know, I haven't thought that far," her voice rose with panic.

"Okay, it's okay," he soothed, rubbing circles on her back. He needed a to ask her one more question, one he didn't want to ask, or perhaps he just didn't want to know the answer, "Claire, I need to know if he...um. You said he bruised your breasts. Did he hurt you anywhere else?" Claire lifted her head and looked at Neil, grateful he'd dropped the subject of reporting this to the hospital.

"No, it didn't get that far. He did have my pants down, but Shaun got to the locker room just in time."

"Was he trying to...," Neil's throat was thick with emotion, he couldn't get the words out.

"If Shaun hadn't come to the door he would have raped me," she whispered, shivering, unable to stop the trembling.

Neil himself was shaking, not with fear but anger. He didn't try to hide the tears in his eyes when he looked at her, lowering his forehead to hers, "I am so sorry, Claire. Did he hurt you when he had you pants down?" he whispered.

The sheen of tears in his eyes brought more tears to her own. She shook her head, "No. He didn't get past pulling my pants down."

Relief pulsed through Neil's body and when he closed his eyes in relief a tear slipped out, "Thank God," he kissed her forehead, "I'm sure you're sore. Will you let me run you a hot bath while I call Audrey and ask her to prescribe you some pain medication? I can't prescribe for a resident and you'll need something stronger than we can get over the counter. The pain will be worse tomorrow. I'll only tell Audrey you were assaulted, I promise to keep Coyle out of it. I'm going to have her find coverage for my shift the next few days." 

She nodded, "Okay. But why are you having her cover your shift? Not because of me!"

Neil shook his head, "Not because of you. For you. You've been through enough shit alone and I'm not letting you go through this alone," His tone brooked no room for argument. 

Claire's heart was full of emotions. Dr. Neil Melendez was going to take time off work to be with her. Being honest with herself she was relieved, she'd been dreading the moment when Neil would leave tonight. The seemingly never ending tears began to flow again as she kissed Neil on the cheek, "You are my best friend, Neil. No one as ever been around for me the way you have." 

When Neil announced her bath was ready Claire stood in the bathroom awkwardly. 

"What's wrong?" He asked. 

"I think I need scissors to get my scrub top off. I...it hurts when I try to lift it," her cheeks flamed.

"Don't be ridiculous Claire. You've gone running with me in a sports bra. Let me help you," he told her.

She nodded and Neil went to work getting her out of her top which proved more challenging than he'd thought. Because of the pain it caused her Neil was about ready to find a damned pair of scissors. 

"Okay, I think I have it, just need you to lift it over my head and pull it down my bad arm," Claire had wiggled her way halfway out of the top.

"All right but if this doesn't work we're using scissors. This is causing you too much pain," he grumbled. She had wiggled her right arm out of the top so he gently eased it over head while allowing her to keep her left arm at her side. After getting it over her head the garment slid easily down her left arm and she was free of it. Neil stared and not because she was standing in front of him in her bra and scrub pants. She had large, ugly bruises on her shoulders and upper arms, along her collar bone and upper chest. He could see the tops of her breasts and they also were a mosaic of bruises. Neil's jaw was clenched so tightly he was surprised he didn't break a tooth. He didn't quite get control of his facial expression before Claire noticed.

"What?" She asked, then looked down and gasped, "Oh my God," and the annoying, never ending tears started flowing again. 

"Come here," Neil said gruffly, reaching for her. 

Claire fell limply into his arms, again burying her face in his neck letting the tears and sobs shake her body once again. She felt Neil's arms tighten around her, burying one hand in her hair and rubbing her back with the other, "No," she wailed, "I said no. I promise I said no, I told him to stop but he wouldn't, he just wouldn't."

"I know you did, sweetheart. This is his fault, not yours," He soothed. His mind raced. When he saw Coyle he was going to kick his ass. To hell with the professional and legal consequences. 

"What if," she sobbed into his neck,"What if this is my punishment for...using men to distract myself from life? What if this is what I get for that? I know it was wrong, I was wrong and this is my punishment," she felt bile rise in her throat again and quickly untangled herself from Neil and knelt in front of the toilet, vomiting again. 

Neil knelt beside her, held her hair until she was finished. When she turned to look at him the pain in her eyes took his breath away. He helped her to stand, holding her face in both his hands, "Claire, you said no. You bit him, you punched him, kicked him, and he still didn't stop. This is his fault. His fault. Not yours. Coyle has a history of questionable behavior with his residents. He's a piece of shit who manipulates young women into thinking they owe him. Your past is exactly that, your past. My past is so full of bad behavior I'd probably be in jail if Glassman hadn't gone out of his way to help me. Please tell me you understand me."

Claire's breathing had slowed and she could feel the panic attack subsiding. Eyes locked on Neil's she nodded, "I do understand. I do. I said no."

"That's my girl," he smiled.

"I'm sorry for falling apart," she told him.

"Stop apologizing," he told her, gently guiding her toward the bathtub, "You've done nothing wrong. Take your bath, Claire, we will get you something for pain and you'll feel better."

She nodded, surprised when he kissed her cheek, "We will get through this."

"We?"

"Yeah, Claire, we. You're not alone anymore."

She gave him a watery smile nodded.

"She was sexually assaulted? Your should bring her in, Neil," Audrey's voice was full of concern on the other end of the phone.

"She doesn't want to come in Audrey, she blatantly refused, which is why I'm asking you to come by and get her something for pain. She's...she has multiple contusions and bruised, if not cracked ribs." 

"Of course I'll come by, Neil. Did he rape her?"

"She told me he didn't get that far."

Audrey's voice was soft, "There is more than one way to rape someone, Neil. Did he digitally penetrate her?"

He rubbed his hand over his face, "No, he didn't. Listen, could you stop and pick up the script when it's filled? I don't want to leave her to go pick it up."

She hesitated only the slightest of seconds, "Of course. Text me the address, I'll be there as soon as I can. Do you know her date of birth? I'll need it to send in a prescription."

Neil rattled off Claire's date of birth and if his boss thought it odd that he knew that information she didn't vocalize it. She also hadn't questioned him asking her to cover his shift.

Neil paced while Audrey was in the bedroom with Claire, his thoughts drifting back to when Claire had gone from being his driven, brilliant, sometimes pain in the ass, star resident to his best friend. His confidante. His reason for setting aside his arrogance and digging deep inside himself to remember why he'd gone into medicine. His reason for getting up in the morning and looking forward to their runs, their lengthy conversations on his balcony late at night. Why her smile triggered something warm inside him. Why he was so ridiculously relieved when she'd told him Dash wasn't the right guy. Why they'd had to stage a "fight" in front of the other residents so they could enjoy an evening of bowling. Why they were going to such extremes to maintain a platonic friendship.

When he'd seen Claire so completely broken in the aftermath of her mother's death and the guilt she felt had hurt him. His heard had ached for her. He'd told her before she was special and he hadn't lied. Claire was special. She was the perfect mix of brilliance and compassion, a combination that made her an outstanding physician. He didn't want her to lose that so he'd asked her to join him on a run. During the time they spent running he got to know the real Claire; he'd chipped away at the layers of self preservation she had built around herself and as the layers peeled away the woman who as emerging intrigued him. She loved to laugh and have fun, was lighthearted and funny, and, if he admitted the truth, she began chipping away at his own walls he'd built around himself. He liked the person he was when he was with her. He was less stoic and serious and allowed himself to be himself with Claire. She became more beautiful to him every day, her inner beauty shined through making her all the more attractive to him. Neil had always preferred tall, fine boned women with legs for miles and small, perky breasts. Neil knew he was a good looking man and there was never a shortage of women who were his "type" willing to spend time with a talented surgeon. Lately, though, Neil found himself stealing glances at a tiny, five foot nothing woman with a butt he enjoyed seeing in tight running clothes and full breasts that bounced when she ran and nicely filled out a pair of scrubs. Nice, Neil, he scolded himself. The woman was just sexually assaulted and you're thinking of how her compact body looks in a pair of scrubs.

He sighed, none of it mattered, he could never have her anyway. Her career meant too much to him to tarnish and that's what would happen if he acted on his thoughts. Claire would be known as the resident who slept her way to the top instead of getting to the top because she was a brilliant young surgeon. He would never let that happen. Ever.

Sighing, he rummaged through Claire's cabinets until he found some chamomile tea and honey and put water on to boil. The tea would soothe her throat and he needed to keep busy or he'd drive himself crazy. He was just placing Claire's tea, honey and a spoon on a tray when he heard her bedroom door open. He looked up as Audrey emerged and made her way to him in the kitchen. "Well?" Neil asked.

The look on Audrey's face told him all he needed to know. She set a bottle of pills on the counter. "I just gave her two tablets so hopefully that will give her some relief and help her sleep," she nodded to the tea he was holding, "That'll be good for her throat. Make sure she gets some rest."

"Thank you, Audrey," he told her quietly.

She nodded, "No need to thank me."

Neil knew her well enough to know there was something she wasn't telling him, "What is it Audrey?"

She held his gaze a moment, "Before I headed over here an email went out to hospital staff. Matt Coyle resigned today. He apologized for giving no notice, said something about a family emergency he needed to tend to and that he accepted a position in Boston."

"Did she tell you?" The words were out before he could think.

"She didn't. I put two and two together. Bastard," she spat, then regained her composure, "I didn't tell Claire about Coyle. I thought you should be the one to tell her."

He nodded, "She doesn't want file a complaint or go to the police."

"Understandable. She was violently sexually assaulted, Neil, and is still in shock. If she changes her mind about reporting it she'll have my full support. And Neil," she said awkwardly, "this looks weird. I know you and Claire are...friends, and I think it's very good of you to be here. Just be mindful that this will get out and not everyone will be as understanding as I am."

"What looks weird, Audrey?" Neil's words were clipped, angry, but he lowered his voice so Claire wouldn't hear, "As you said, she was just violently sexually assaulted. She is completely alone in the world, Audrey. I'll be here for her until she tells me to leave."

Audrey wore a sad smile, "I know, Neil. I wish things could be different for you two."

"What does that mean?"

"I see how close you two are. I see how you look at one another and I really wish things could be different for you both. God knows you both deserve it."

Neil looked at the tray of tea, nodding, "I get it Audrey. Even if we were involved this world has already dictated our future. We. Are. Friends," he whispered.

"Take care of her, Neil, and call me if you need anything," she smiled at him sadly. Audrey let herself out and Neil locked the door behind her, taking the tray of tea in to Claire.

Neil found Claire lying on her bed, head propped up on pillows. He felt another stab of pain seeing her bruised, swollen face. She smiled at him as he sat down on the unoccupied side of her bed, placing the tray of tea between them, "I fixed you some tea, thought it would soothe your throat. You want honey in it?" She nodded and he put two spoonfuls of honey in the tea and stirred it before handing it to her.

"Thank you," she croaked, her voice worse than it had been an hour ago.

"Pain medicine kicking it yet?" he asked as he drank her tea.

She shook her head no and they sat in silence as she drank the tea. When she was done, she placed the empty up on the tray, "Thank you, that was good."

"You're welcome. I'll go put the tray in the kitchen and we'll get you tucked in bed," he told her.

When he returned to the bedroom he brought an ice pack and he held out his hand to help Claire off the bed. He saw she'd changed into an oversize tee shirt that hung mid thigh. She wobbled a little as she stood, probably from the pain she was in and hopefully the pain medication was starting to kick in. Wrapping his left arm around her waist to steady her he pulled back the covers on the bed and helped her lay down, then walked to the other side of bed and undressing to his tee shirt and boxers slid in beside her, "I thought we'd watch TV until you're tired enough to sleep. Unless you're hungry? I can fix you something."

"Not hungry," she said, hating the sound of her voice, "You don't have to stay, Neil. I'll be okay."

"I'm not leaving you alone. Your're stuck with me," picking up the remote he asked, "What do you want to watch?"

"Criminal Minds," she told him.

She helped him with the remote and they soon found the series on Netflix. Neil pressed play and laid back, stretching his arm out in invitation for her to lay next to him. Claire didn't hesitate, scooting over and resting her head on his chest. She prided herself on being a strong woman but right now she wanted to be held and lying in Neil Melendez's arms was heaven. After she got settled he gently placed an ice pack on the right side of her face. "Why are you doing this?" she asked, "Taking care of me, I mean."

Neil had to bite his tongue to keep from saying because he loved her and wished he could take all her pain away, to tell her that she smelled good and that there was no other place in the world he'd rather be. Instead he said, "Because you need a friend right now. You have a tendency to put everyone else before you and take are of yourself last. You've been through hell and shouldn't be alone, Claire. I want to be here for you. Would you do it for me?"

  
She nodded yes against his chest, "Of course."

Twenty minutes later a disturbed Neil Melendez asked, "Why are we watching this show?"

"Because it's a good show," she said, slightly slurring her words.

"If you say so," he teased her, glad the pain medication was starting to have an affect. An hour later Claire was sound asleep against his chest. He smiled as he glanced down and saw that she'd drooled a small puddle into his tee shirt. He began to get up to return the ice pack to the freezer and make himself comfortable on the couch. Claire protested, frowning in her sleep as her hand tightened on his shirt. Well hell, he thought. No reason to disturb her sleep he told himself as he set an alarm on his phone to wake him to give her her next dose of pain medication. He settled back in, smiling when Claire snuggled closer to him, burying her head in the side of his neck.

The next two days were rough for Claire. Her body ached and her throat felt like it was on fire. She stayed in bed and slept, thanking God for the pain medicine and only getting up when she had to use the bathroom. Neil had been giving her pain medication around the clock and insisted on helping her get to and from the bathroom, and held her steady when she brushed her teeth and washed her sore, discolored face. He'd been begging her to eat, fixing her foods that were easy to swallow. She could tell he was disappointed when she could only force herself to eat small amounts. She'd apologized and though he'd waved away her apologies she could see his concern. After eating some of the scrambled eggs he'd made for her and given her another dose of pain medication she fell into a hazy sleep.

Neil hated seeing Claire like this, his strong willed little fighter defeated, battered and in pain. Most of the time while she slept he spent sitting in the chair in her room reviewing patient's imaging and keeping in contact with Audrey, advising her as needed. When Claire would become restless he would slip in the bed beside her and hold her. She always calmed when he was next to her. Neil had never thought that sleeping with someone, literally just lying next to another person, could be so intimate, so satisfying. If someone had told him it was possible to fall in love with someone he'd never kissed, never made love to, he'd have laughed in their face. Neil wasn't laughing now as he watched Claire sleeping. Jesus. He scrubbed his hand over his face. He loved Claire. He was in love with Claire. His resident. His resident with a bright career ahead of her and damn if he was going to risk fucking that up for her by acting on his feelings.

With Claire sleeping peacefully Neil wracked his brain trying to think of something she would eat. He remembered she loved chocolate pudding, not store bought pre made chocolate pudding but homemade. He googled a recipe, searched her kitchen for ingredients and went to work. Satisfied with the final product he dished some up and took it to her bedroom. She was not only awake, but sitting up against her headboard watching her show, Criminal Minds.

"Something smells good," she said, eyeing the bowl he held.

"I made you chocolate pudding," he replied, his heart leaping a bit in his chest at the smile that lit up her face.

"You made me pudding?"

He shrugged, sitting beside her on her bed, "You have to eat something and I remembered you love homemade chocolate pudding," he handed her the bowl, "Be careful, it's still hot."

She took the bowl from Neil and took a tentative bite, "Mmmm. Oh my God this is good," she grinned at him, eating another spoonful, "Here, try it," she offered him a spoon full.

Neil accepted the offer and damn if it wasn't good, "Now I see why you like it so much."

They ended up sharing the sweet concoction, Neil happy that she was finally eating.

As she scraped the bowl with her spoon she could see Neil looked nervous, "What's wrong?" She asked tentatively.

Neil took the bowl from her and set it on her dresser, "Audrey told me the hospital sent out an email announcing Dr. Coyle's resignation, effective immediately. Apparently he has some family emergency to deal with, then told them he'd accepted a position in Boston."

Claire stared at her hands. Finally looking up at Neil she said, "That's good. I..I wont have to see him at the hospital."

Neil took Claire's hand in his own, squeezing reassuringly, "No, you won't. I do wish I could have run into him, though," Neil said menacingly.

"That wouldn't solve anything," she offered a small smile.

"No, it wouldn't. But it'd make me feel better. And speaking of feeling better," he changed the subject, "Shaun, Alex and even Morgan are worried about you. They'd like to come by if you don't mind."

"Do they know what happened?" she whispered.

"Just that you were assaulted. The rest is up to you to tell, or not tell them."

She nodded, "I'd like that. I miss them. Even Morgan," she let out a small laugh.

Neil tucked an errant curl behind her ear, "I do have to work tomorrow, but I'll be back here as soon as I'm finished."

"Neil, that's not necessary. I'm feeling better and have to get back into a routine. I need to see my therapist, get myself mentally ready to get back to work."

"It's only been three days, Claire. I want to be here for you."

Her grey green eyes searched his for a long moment before she nodded, "This is hard for me," she admitted, "I'm not feeling sorry for myself but no one has ever been here for me the way you have. It's hard for me to trust, even with you. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the bottom to drop out from under me and find myself alone again," her voice cracked, tears filling her eyes. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, her face lingering near his, her eyes searching his.

"You're not alone, Claire," he whispered shakily, "I wish I could take all of this away, make it better. It's killing me to see you like this, hurting and bruised and...," he stopped talking, let his thumb caress the cut above her eyebrow. He gently kissed the wound, heard her quick intake of breath. He kissed her swollen cheek, pulled her bruised right hand to his lips and kissed each knuckle gently, rubbing his thumb over her bruises, "I wish...," he closed his eyes.

"Me too," she whispered. "Thank you for making me pudding," she said shyly.

"I made two batches so you're stocked for tomorrow. Is there anything else you want me to get for you to eat tomorrow? I've got your fridge stocked with pudding, of course, but also soup, buttered noodles and applesauce."

Claire stared at him, "You made all that for me?"

"Well, yeah. It gave me something to do while you slept and you have to eat. Please promise me you'll eat. I hate leaving you...,"

"I'll eat. I promise. I think I'll take a shower and go to bed," she tried to stifle a yawn.

Neil nodded and headed out her bedroom door.

"Neil," she called out.

When he turned around she was walking toward him, "Do you need me to get you anything?" He asked.

When she reached him she stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek, wrapped her arms around his waist, "Thank you for everything."

Neil wrapped his arms around her and hugged her, resting his chin on her head, dropping a kiss on her head, "You're welcome, Claire. God you scared me," he whispered into her hair. Damn but she was tiny, but tucked tightly against him she fit perfectly.

"Scared you?"

"Seeing you right after, I...I was just scared. You do make me a better person, Claire, and I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," she told him, pulling away and heading to her bathroom, "You're stuck with me for life."

Claire was just drifting off to sleep when she heard Neil sit on the edge of the bed. He'd taken a shower and smelled wonderful. She squirmed over towards him, sighing in satisfaction as he turned towards her and pulled her into his chest. Claire's mind was so foggy from the pain medication he'd given her and the fatigue she couldn't tell whether she was speaking or thinking when she mumbled, "I want to stay like this forever."

Neal glanced down at her and smiled gently, she was talking in her sleep. That one place in his heart, the place where his dreams live, sparked to life at her words. He settled in, tucking her close to him, "Me too baby. Me too."

Eight days after she'd been attacked Claire was feeling much better, most of the pain had subsided and the bruises were healing and she was beginning to feel like herself, largely because of Neil. A couple of appointments with her therapist had helped, too, but Neil got a lot of the credit. He'd returned to work, but when he wasn't at work he was doting on her, and now that she was up and moving around and doing things for herself he was a nervous wreck. She found it hilarious, he grumbled about it. They had settled into a routine. After Neil got off work he came right to her place and for the past few days they'd been making dinner together. They talked about his days at work, he made her laugh when he feigned annoyance at something Shaun blurted out. They talked about any and everything and he was even coming around when they sat together on the couch and watched Criminal Minds.

"I knew you'd like it if you gave it a chance," she teased him as they started the third episode of their evening binge.

"It's still creepy as hell," he grumbled, settling in beside her after he'd gotten her another serving of chocolate pudding. He was becoming quite the master of making a delicious homemade chocolate pudding.

"How was your visit with Morgan?"

"It was good," Claire answered, shoveling in another spoonful of her pudding, "She really isn't a bad person once you get past all the snarky bitchiness. She brought me a basket of hand crafted soaps, which I used as soon as she left."

"I'm not sure about getting past the snarky bitchiness, but you do smell good," he winked at her.

"You noticed that I smell good?" she laughed.

He looked offended, "Of course! I notice everything about you," the words were out before he could stop them and hung between them awkwardly.

Claire stared at him in awe. Had he really just said that? Butterflies fluttered in her belly.

Neil looked at his hands, quiet.

"I notice things about you, too," she said softly.

A grin tugged at his mouth, "Oh yeah? Pray tell."

It's now or never she told herself, "You're arrogant, and rightly so, but most of it's just for show. You don't want people to see the real you. You growl and grumble like a grumpy old troll but you're really a kind person."

Neil laughed, "A grumpy old troll?"

She smiled, taking his hands in hers, "But you're not, not really," she looked up at him, a tear slipping down her cheek, "You saved me. After my mom, I," she took a deep breath, "I was drowning. I blamed myself, not just for her...accident, but for everything. I was supposed to be an abortion. I really believed she was right, that I'd ruined her life. My life," tears were falling now and Neil sat up, facing her and caressing her hands, "I believed I was meant to be alone, didn't deserve to be loved, would never be loved. I believed she was right that I was doomed to put my trust in the wrong people. You," she let out a breath and met his dark eyes, "You saved me. I was drowning and you...cared enough to throw me a life vest."

"Claire, that was all you. I just happened to be at the right place at the right time. You saved yourself," he said softly, reaching up and wiping a tear away.

She shook her head, "I grabbed the life vest, Neil, but you pulled me to safety. You anchor me. You opened yourself up and you were there when I needed you. You brought me back to life."

Neil's head was spinning as he tried to figure out a way to rationalize where this conversation was headed. Why rationalize? Just tell her the truth, Melendez, he told himself. He shook his head. The truth had consequences, terrifying consequences. Terrifying? No. Career threatening? Perhaps for her, but maybe that could be managed. Did he dare hope? He held her gaze, taking in the faded bruises. Even the marks on her neck were healing. His heart thudded. She could have been killed. THAT was terrifying. He didn't want to live in a world without her in it. He didn't want to live his life without her in it and suddenly a platonic friendship wasn't appealing. Maybe it never had been. "Claire, you saved me too."

She wrinkled her brow, "What are you talking about?"

"I was drowning, too. Two very public, very failed relationships left me thinking I'd be alone, too. I was lonely," he confessed, "and you breathed life back into my life. Your sweet, beautiful heart," he stopped, eyes filled with tears, "your friendship, just you being you," he shook his head. He was making a mess of this, "There's something I need to tell you."

Claire's heart was about to beat out of her chest, afraid of what he what he wanted to tell her. That she was his best friend and that was it? Nope, that wasn't enough anymore, "Me too," she said quickly, "I go first?"

Neil nodded. She took a deep breath and moved closer to Neil and pulled her hands from his so she could frame his face, "You told me once that if I find the right guy not to wait for the right time. It's you, you're the guy and I don't know if there will ever be a right time but...I love you."

When Neil's eyes filled with tears she calmed. Maybe everything would be ok after all.

Neil felt his heart constrict, then expand with a happiness he'd never known. He let our half a sob, caressing her hair with his hands, "I love you, too," he pulled her to him, holding her tight, running his hands over her head as she let her head fall into it's natural place in the crook of his neck, feeling her tears on his skin.

Claire cried softly into Neil's neck, inhaling the scent of him as she cradled her in his arms and rubbed his hands over her head and back as though she were precious to him.  
She just enjoyed being held and loved for a moment, then pulled back to look at him.

Neil couldn't wait a moment longer. Hands on her cheeks he guided her toward him and whispered, "Finally," as he brought his lips down on hers.  
He only hesitated for a second before gently, softly moving his lips against hers. Her lips were soft and pliable against his. He pressed his lips against hers once, twice, three times, then Claire's hands were in his hair, pulling him closer.

Claire let out a soft sigh, opening her mouth against Neil's feather soft kiss, her tongue tentatively exploring his soft bottom lip. Feeling her soft tongue on his lips was his undoing. He buried his hands in her hair he pulled back for a moment, searching her eyes. Her beautiful hazel green eyes were alight with love and desire. He looked at her a moment longer then his lips were back on hers. He was so gentle yet seeking. When Claire opened her mouth his tongue found hers; she moaned softly, giving him full access to her. She was timid as her tongue darted out, tentatively seeking his. Neil boldly yet gently sucked her tongue into his mouth loving the friction as her tongue moved against his own. Jesus she was sweet, adorable as she explored his mouth with her own. Timid yet growing bolder, pressing her mouth more firmly against his.  
Claire was lost in their kiss, loving how gentle Neil was with her but at the same boldly pursuing her mouth with his. She buried her hands in his hair, pulling him closer to her, lost in sensation as his hands untangled in her hair to gently caress the bruises on her face and neck. She let out a whimper of protest as he pulled his mouth from her lips only to sigh as he gently brushed his lips against the bruises on her neck. Goosebumps broke out on her skin at his gentle kisses. When he lifted his head he looked into her eyes for a long moment before placing a firm kiss against her lips and pulling her into his arms.  
Her head found it's place against his neck, resting there as they both caught their breath. So that's what it's like to kiss Neil, she thought. The real thing was so much better than her fantasies, "Wow," she breathed into his neck.  
"Mmmhmm," he murmured, pressing a kiss on the top of her head, hissing as her lips moved against his neck. She nibbled his skin, sighing as she learned the taste of him. She continued placing open mouth kisses along his neck and jaw, squealing when he growled and turned them so she was straddling his lap, finding her mouth again. Where their first kiss was soft and sweet this kiss was hot and needy, lips and tongues exploring, tasting, nipping, sucking. When she pressed into his hardness, moaning softly against his mouth he pulled his mouth away from hers, leaning his forehead against hers, both of them panting.

"Claire," he said shakily.

"Neil," she answered, impatiently unbuttoning his shirt.

His hands covered hers, he met her eyes, "Are you sure? We can take this slower if you..."

She kissed him hard, arching her back into him, "Don't you think two and a half years is long enough?"

He laughed, "Two and a half years? So you've been having inappropriate thoughts about your boss for that long, huh?"

Grinning back at him, "Well, during the first few months we were working together Shaun pointed out that I was flirting with you. You've never had inappropriate thoughts about me?" She purposely ran her fingers through her hair and tilted her head as she looked at him.

He snorted, "I knew you were flirting with me. I flirted back, didn't I?" He winked at her.

"You really love me?" she asked shyly.

"God yes, Claire. I love you. I'm head over heels, hopelessly in love with you," he said fervently.

He was rewarded with a sweet smile. "I've never had anyone tell me that, ever," she smiled and kissed him.

"You'll hear it so much you'll get tired of me telling you," he said softly, "Now, would you like me to show you how much I love you?" "Yes," she said breathlessly, then grinned up at him her gray green eyes full of mischief, "Do we agree that platonic is out the window?"

"It's about to be," he stood, her legs wrapped around his waist as he carried her to her bedroom.

Neil gently set Claire in the center of her bed and made quick work of shedding his slacks and shirt and was about to take off his boxers when Claire stopped him.

"Leave those for me," she told him.

Smiling like an idiot he sat on the bed, "You look like the best Christmas present I've ever imagined. I can't wait to unwrap you," he smiled as her cheeks flushed. Reaching for her he kissed her tenderly, "I don't want to hurt you. Your ribs are still bruised," he murmured against her lips.

"You won't," she pulled him back to her mouth and kissed him, having trouble believing this was real, that he was hers to kiss as she pleased.

They kissed slowly, softly, still exploring each other, each enjoying the taste of the other. Claire sighed as Neil deepened the kiss and wrapped one arm around his neck as she used the other to shimmy out of her shorts. She broke the kiss and tried to get her tee shirt over her head and Neil protested.

"No, let me do that," his hands shook slightly as he pulled the shirt over her head, sucked in a breath as he took in the sight of her in her bra and panties. Hovering over her he kissed her eyes, her cheeks, her nose and then softly brushed a kiss on her lips, "You're beautiful," he whispered against her lips before covering her lips with his again. He kissed her softly but thoroughly while tracing her collarbone slowly with his fingertips. Never releasing her mouth his fingers skimmed over the swell of her breasts, fingers dipping into the valley between her breasts.

Claire impatiently squirmed beneath him, could feel him smiling against her lips, "Patience, love. I'm going to kiss every inch of you," he slipped his hands behind her, undoing her bra. Ever so slowly he peeled her bra away and tossed it aside. He drank in the sight of her bare, full, perfect breasts. Her breasts were perfect, full and lush, her dark pink nipples puckered. Shaking his head he looked up at her, "Claire," he said in awe. He had never been a breast man but knew now he'd never, ever get enough of her breasts. She arched her back, burying her hands in his hair and pulled his head to her chest. Burying his head between her breasts he breathed deeply. She smelled so good, like lavender and citrus.

Claire moaned as he cupped her breasts, gently massaging and testing their weight in his palms, rubbing his thumbs over her tightened nipples. Claire was losing her mind. Neil's hands were large and warm, calloused enough she could feel the roughness against her sensitive skin. Neil's lips quickly replaced his hands, pressing soft kisses against the underside of her breast, working his way over her breast so as not to miss an inch of skin. His mouth was hot and she squirmed in frustration because his hot mouth was everywhere except where she wanted it. She tried to steer his head to her nipple groaning in frustration as he shifted to her other breast and began the same sweet torture. "Neil please," she pleaded to no avail as he continued his sweet torture. When his hot mouth finally clamped down on her nipple she cried out as his tongue teased her nipple, finally taking her fully into his mouth and sucking hard. Claire pressed her head back into the pillow and cried out as pleasure shot straight to her core. Pressing into him she writhed beneath him. His mouth felt so good, so good, then it was gone. Before she could protest he shifted to her other breast, taking as much of her into his mouth as he could as he suckled, his fingers swirling on her abdomen, lower, lower. She lifted her hips when his fingers teased the edge of her panties. Becoming impatient himself he cupped her, feeling the dampness of her panties and letting out a moan, "You're so wet," he shook his head, hardly believing this beautiful woman was so wet for him. Easing his fingers inside her panties he caressed her silky folds. Needing to feel her mouth again he claimed her lips, their tongues entwined, her hands in his hair as she whimpered and lifted her hips silently begging him for more. He complied, first sliding one finger, then two inside her. Greedily clenching around his fingers, her heat pulsing around him. She whimpered and dug her nails into his shoulders, shrieking when his thumb found the throbbing center of her.

"Oh God," she half sobbed, "It's...so good." Applying more pressure with his thumb he watched her head thrash back and forth on the pillow, "Neil I'm close. So close. Please," she cried out.

"Look at me Claire," his voice was rough. She obeyed, meeting his eyes and the heat she in them pushed her over the edge. She cried out incoherently as she convulsed around his hand. Neil took her mouth and kissed her through her orgasm, only pulling back when she stilled and was panting.

He was dangerously close to the edge himself. He buried his head in Claire's shoulder, her skin damp with sweat.

"What's wrong?" She asked him, feeling him smile against her shoulder.

He kissed her neck and looked at her, blushing slightly "I'm close too, baby. God you're beautiful Claire," his eyes drank in her flushed face, messy hair and sheen of sweat on her face.

It was her turn to blush, "That was amazing," reaching up she brushed his hair off his sweaty forehead, "I love you."

He gave her a devilish grin, "I love you, too, baby," he shifted over her again, grinning before nipping her breasts again and pressing kisses into her abdomen, "I told you I was going to kiss every inch of you and I am." He was true to his word and his mouth worked her into another frenzy. Claire clenched the bed sheets in her fists as she screamed out her second orgasm, wave after wave her body convulsed, "Oh my God," she gasped, trying to catch her breath.

Neil smiled smugly as he placed himself over her, putting his weight on his forearms. He kissed her forehead, "I never figured you for a screamer."

Claire blushed deeply, "I'm not. I mean I never have...," she panted.

Neil smiled at her gently, "I didn't mean to embarrass you." She lifted her hips in answer, rubbing against his hardness. It was Neil's turn to gasp and groan, "Fuck, baby," he gasped, "If you keep doing that I'll be finished before I start." Neil placed himself at her entrance and slowly pushed in, grunting as her slick heat surrounded him. He stilled, feeling like a teenager about to embarrass himself. He watched Claire, feeling her stretch and adjust to him, "You okay?" He grunted.

"Yes, but Neil I'm...Oh God," tears leaked from her eyes, her body and mind overwhelmed. She'd loved Neil so much, for so long, and now he was inside her. Her love for him swelled until she thought her heart would burst while at the same time her body throbbed as she adjusted to him, already starting to convulse against her will. She loved him with her body, mind, soul and this beautiful, sensual moment was overwhelming.

"Claire! Am I hurting you?"

"No," she sobbed, "I love you so much and I'm going to...oh God," her body convulsed around him, "I'm coming now," Claire gave up the fight and let the emotions and sensations overcome her, welcoming the swell of love in her heart as her legs tightened around Neil's waist as her body convulsed in waves from head to toe. Mind, body, soul came together as she cried out, burying her fingers in Neil's hair.

Neil watched in awe, breathless as Claire's whole body clenched and released over and over. He moved within her, each thrust causing Claire's body to convulse under him. Never taking his eyes off her face he thrust in and out of her, her inner walls clenching tightly around him. He continued moving in and out of her as each tightening of her body brought him closer the edge. He couldn't tell where he ended and Claire began, her constant orgasm clamping around him until he pushed deeply into her one final time and Claire screamed, sobbing and he came harder than he ever had in his life. Everything he felt for Claire poured out of his heart as he emptied himself into her.

Neither knew how long they lay together, the aftershocks of powerful orgasms still pulsing through each of them as their tears mingled, each kissing the other desperately. Neil rolled off of Claire so they were facing one another, reaching for her hand and wrapping it in his. Searching each other's eyes Claire spoke first. "What was that? I've...nothing like that has ever happened to me before."

"Me either, baby," he kissed her nose.

"I felt it in my...," she paused, "my heart, my mind and my body. All at the same time."

"I felt it too, sweetheart, it was like...," he stopped.

"What?"

"You don't like romantics," he smiled.

"I think I'm coming around on that. Oh, God, no pun intended. But I felt like that is how making love is supposed to be? I could feel my heart just growing, filling up with love and at the same time like I was physically and emotionally filled with love, giving everything I have to you. I don't know, maybe I'm being stupid," she blushed, embarrassed.

Neil pulled her chin up so she was looking at him, "You're not stupid Claire. You have spent years building walls around yourself to protect you from pain. Some of those walls are starting to crumble. And, I honestly felt the same way. As I was physically and emotionally pouring myself into you, I felt so much love for you. It filled me up."

"What do we do now?" Claire asked.

Neil chuckled, "We definitely make love...a lot." Claire blushed. Neil kissed her softly, "We love each other. Work will be tough," he sighed, "I don't want anything tarnishing your career so we keep it quiet for now and take it day by day. That's what we do, Claire. Day by day. I think you should keep seeing your therapist and make sure you work through the trauma, maybe even work on breaking down some of those walls of yours."

She nodded in agreement, "But I am scared, Neil. Are you?"

Neil chose his words carefully, "I want you to trust that I'm not going to hurt you."

"I do," she said quietly, "but that's when bad things happen. That's when people leave me. As soon as I trust, people disappear. You may not want to, it may be something beyond your control, but I'm afraid you'll disappear."

Neil leaned up on one elbow, "Claire Browne, I love you. I. Love. You. I am in love with you. When I see you my heart skips a beat. I look at you and wonder how the hell I've survived all these years without you. I hate that you've been hurt so badly in the past. When I see you hurting it tears my heart up, I want to take every hurt away. I want to kill Coyle for putting his hands on you. I'm proud as hell of you as a surgeon. My heart swells when I see you excel at your work. When I'm with you it's easy, effortless to just be myself, flaws and all. Will there be hard times? Yes. There are ups and downs in every relationship Claire and ours will be no different but just because there's a down moment doesn't mean I'll give up and walk away. It means we work on it."

Claire felt tears sting her eyes, "I trust you, Neil. I love you. I think I've loved you a lot longer than I even know. You accept me, baggage and all, and have been there for me when no one else has."

Neil wiped away the tear streaking down her cheek and leaned in to kiss her. He kissed her softly, slowly, but deeply, trying to convey in his kiss what she meant to him. When he pulled back he grinned at her, "I've probably loved you longer than I've even known, too. Shaun used to ask me why I looked at you every time you walked away. He asked if I was looking at your butt."

Claire laughed, "When was this?"

"The first week of his residency," Neil said dryly, "and he was right. I was looking at your butt."

Claire giggled, "He told me i was flirting with you at about the same time. He was right."

"Well, you have a very cute butt."

"And I appreciate all your trips to the gym," she ran her hand lightly over his abs. He lifted his eyebrow at her and said, "Good to know. Now get over here," he pulled her into his arms so her head was resting on his chest, her tiny body tucked closely into his, "Good night, baby. I love you."

Claire yawned, "Good night. I love you too. You wore me out, Dr. Melendez."

He grinned, winking at her, "Better get used to that, Dr. Browne." Claire was tired and it wasn't long before she was drifting off to sleep and she couldn't think of a better way to go to sleep that being wrapped snugly in Neil's arms, his scent filling her nostrils, his soft breath in her hair."

Claire woke to the feeling of being watched. Opening her eyes she saw Neil staring at her, the warm look in his eye making her heart flutter. "Are you watching me sleep?"

"Yep," he replied, "Just enjoying the view."

Claire rolled her eyes, "I'm a mess."

"Beautiful mess," he kissed her, letting his hands roam over her body.

Her body responded to his touch immediately, opening her mouth as he deepened the kiss. His hands found her breasts, kneading and massaging first one, then the other. She moaned into his mouth, then pulled away slightly, "Neil I haven's brushed my teeth," she gasped as his hands roamed lower, calloused fingers finding their way to her center, "Neil! I need a shower, I'm a sticky mess," her breath hitched as his mouth wickedly went to work on her breasts.

"Mmmmhmm," he lifted his head and grinned at her, "These," he nodded to her breasts, "are perfect. And they're mine," his hand still between her legs, working her into a frenzy.

"I never had you pegged as a boob man," her breath hitched at the sensuous torment his hand was causing.

"Never have been," satisfied that she was ready he pulled her on top of him, loving her squeal of surprise. Seeing her over him, hot and wet against him, he couldn't tear his gaze or his hands from her breasts, teasing her, tweaking her nipples as she squirmed against him, "But now I've seen the light," he gently squeezed her breasts, meeting her eyes.

Smiling, she said, "As long as I've known you you have always been a leg man. Tall, thin women with long legs...and no boobs," she said pointedly, rubbing herself over his hard length.

He grinned, moving his hands to run up and down her thighs, "For quite a while now I've been drawn to this tiny, well put together doctor I know. I only have eyes for her. She's well put together in all the right places," his hands moved up and squeezed her butt, holding her tight against him.

Claire placed her hands against his chest and moved against him, eliciting a delightful groan from him, "How long have you been drawn to this "tiny" doctor," she teased.

He met her eyes, "Longer than what would be appropriate," he said wryly.

"Mmm, okay then," she slid over him once more then brought her hips down on him, letting him fill her completely. She placed her hands on his thighs, tossed her head back and rocking and grinding against him, taking him into her body completely.

"Shit, Claire," he groaned. Seeing her over him, breasts bouncing, head thrown back as she vocalized her pleasure was almost too much. Mesmerized, Neil watched her until he felt he felt her tightening around him, her thighs beginning to quiver. Putting his hands on her hips he held her tightly against him as she rode out her orgasm, calling his name, over and over. Watching her face as she came, hearing his name from her lips he let himself become lost to the bliss of his own pleasure.

Their morning activities had Neil running dangerously close to being late for work. As he'd showered Claire quickly brewed him coffee and put together a toasted English muffin, egg, tomato and avocado breakfast sandwich. She pressed the travel mug of coffee into his hand as he came out of the bedroom and headed for her front door. She handed him the bag with his breakfast in it and stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss against his lips, "Be careful and have a good day," she told him.

He held up the paper bag, "What's this?"

"Your breakfast."

His eyes softened as he took in the sight of her. She wore one of his tee shirts that hung nearly to her knees, her hair wild, going in every direction and her hazel green eyes looking up at him with love.

Self consciously trying to flatten her unruly hair she told him, "Stop staring! I know my hair's a mess."

"I'm not staring at your hair, though I like the look," he teased, "I was thinking we should go on an actual date."

That got her attention, "Really? Where? What if someone sees us?"

"Steak house about forty five minutes from here. Would you like to go after I get off work? I can call and make reservations. If you're not ready to get out of the house..."

She cut him off, "Yes! Yes I want to go," she said excitedly.

Relieved at her excitement and eagerness to go on a date with him he told her, "I'll make the reservations and call you when I leave the hospital," he planted a firm kiss on her lips, "I love you."

Her body tingled hearing those words from him, "I love you, too."

Neil smiled, pressed one more quick kiss to her her lips and left for work, grinning like an idiot.


	2. Are We Fooling Them or Fooling Ourselves?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire returns to work and she and Neil have the world by a string. They are happy, in love and even enjoying keeping their relationship a secret. At first it's fun; thumbing their noses at the powers that be who could destroy their careers. After a few months though the distancing one another at work works it's way into their relationship. Claire is frustrated at Neil for trying so hard to keep things quiet and Neil doesn't understand how Claire isn't taking seriously the ever looming danger of her promising career crumbling. Feelings get hurt. Hurtful words and actions meant to protect Claire turns backfires, leaving both of them reeling. They both fall back into old habits as their love for one another is tested. More and more nights are spent alone.  
> Claire's friendship with Morgan grows and when they frequent a Karaoke bar Claire, and others, realize just how beautifully she sings. She throws herself into her music while Neil throws himself into work.  
> When Claire realizes Coyle has resurfaced and he begins stalking her, will she turn to Neil or try and handle it on her own?Can they find their way back to each other?

Claire's first three months back at work went well. She was happy, giddy even, at the secret she and Neil were keeping. in truth they both enjoyed it. Quick glances, brushing up against one another in surgery or the break room was thrilling. Stolen kisses whenever and wherever they got the chance kept them in a perpetual state of arousal; as soon as they got home they couldn't get enough of each other.

Claire had many of her belongings at Neil's, and he had some things at her place but most nights were spent at Neil's. Neil's house was, of course, a typical bachelor pad. Bare walls, sparsely stocked bathrooms and kitchen and the only curtains in the place were Neil's blackout drapes in the bedroom. She had slowly picked up some towels here, curtains there, and made the house a comfortable refuge for them. It was the only place they could be themselves and kiss when they wanted, touch whenever they felt like it and make love as often as they wanted. 

They fell into a comfortable routine of coming home from work and making dinner together. and on the rare days off they had together they could be found lounging in front of the TV, studying case files from work and just enjoying being with each other. Neither could really pinpoint when the house became claustrophobic for them. Neil loved the home Claire had made of his bare house, enjoyed seeing her touches in every room. He loved their togetherness. So did she. They couldn't go out in public unless they drove out of town, even just for dinner. When Claire had bought flowers and plants for outside she was disappointed when Neil calmly explained she had to find a place for them in the back yard; she couldn't be seen in his front yard in her shorts and tank top planting flowers. After working hard all that day she did admit she'd made the patio a hell of a nice get away for them, but the disappointment remained. Neil knew how disappointed she had been and was honestly stunned by her work on the patio and he could tell she was genuinely happy when he told her how beautiful she'd made the space, but there was a tiny sadness in those gray green eyes that ate away at his soul.

By the time four months had passed since Claire returned to work her happy, bubbly nature had become strained and weary. Putting on a show for everyone at the hospital was exhausting. Most nights she was asleep in bed before Neil got home. Neil was always stoic and serious at work and that was beginning to carry over to when he was home. Claire hit the boiling point one evening when one evening she was sitting on the sofa while Neil reviewed a surgical case scheduled for the next day. She had pulled a muscle in her calf while she'd been running, alone, and put her leg in Neil's lap asking if he'd massage the sore muscle for her. Instead of immediately indulging her as he normally would he cast a sweeping glance around the room before beginning to knead her calf.

Claire immediately pulled her leg out of his lap, standing up, crossing her arms and pacing the room.

Neil looked at Claire, bewildered, "What's wrong?" He asked. 

"What's wrong?" She raised her voice, "What's wrong is that we're in our own home and before you would touch me you glanced around to see if anyone was watching!"

Neil sighed, "It was out of habit, Claire."

Throwing her arms out to her sides she shouted, "Don't you see how sick that is? We are at home! It's bad enough you avoid me at the hospital! And when you're not avoiding me you're ignoring me! Fuck!" She went to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine, slamming cupboard doors shut and leaving the open wine bottle on the counter. She stomped into the bedroom and slammed the door, then started herself a bubble bath in Neil's massive whirlpool tub, slamming the bathroom door for good measure. 

Neil sighed, got up and put the cork back in the wine bottle and put it away. She was pissed. He didn't blame her, he was as sick of the bullshit of being under a microscope as she was, but he knew under that anger was hurt. He hated that he'd hurt her feelings. He'd been doing a lot of that lately. She was right about him avoiding her at the hospital. If he avoided her he couldn't see the hurt in her eyes. When they worked together he was professional. No, that wasn't exactly true. He didn't ignore her; he was always aware of her, his heart swelled with pride every time he witnessed her brilliance as a physician whether it was in OR or in his office reviewing cases but he couldn't risk letting that show. She was so close to the end of her residency he would not risk any speculation of inappropriateness between them. Hell even when she submitted a report showcasing her brilliance he never, ever said anything to her about it. 

Normally he'd always been quite complimentary of her, whether it was when they were alone or in front the other residents or surgeons. Now, though, he had something to protect, to hide. He would always protect Claire, even if it pissed her off. Or hurt her. If only she could understand how much it hurt him to protect her, how worthless and selfish it made him feel. He'd wanted her. He had her. She was in his life, in his home, in his bed. One wrong move, one lingering look, one touch when he thought no one was watching could do irreparable damage to the career she'd fought for her whole life. He was a selfish bastard. He indulged in a moment of self hatred then headed to the bathroom to do damage control.

Claire was up to her neck in bubbles, the wine and hot water apparently doing the trick of relaxing her. She had her ear buds in and he could hear Bon Jovi blaring through them. He grinned. This woman loved her 80's music. She had her eyes closed was startled when he placed his hand on the knee sticking up out of the water. She glared at him but took her ear buds out. 

"What are you doing?"

"Give me your leg," he told her. 

Still glaring she complied, her glare softening as he began to knead her sore calf.

"I'm sorry," he said. 

"You say that a lot lately."

"So do you."

She leaned up, "Why? Neil, what's happening? I hate this!" She cried, lips trembling. 

"I know, baby. So do I," her trembling lips pulled at his already bruised heart. 

She pulled her leg away and stood, taking the towel Neil handed her. She quickly dried and made her way to their bed, towel wrapped around her. She felt him sit beside her.

"Ups and downs, Claire. This is a down. It...sucks. I hate it too," he wrapped an arm around her, relieved when she easily leaned into him. 

"Why not just out with it, Neil? Why does a hospital board get to dictate our life?"

"You're just about out of residency, baby. You're almost there. It's not going to be like this forever."

She nodded, knowing he was right. She was an adult and had come into this relationship knowing it wouldn't be easy, "I love you," she whispered.

Neil caught her eyes with his and his heart took another beating seeing the tears gathered on her eyelashes, "Why? Why would you love me? I drug you into this clusterfuck," he ran his hand through his hair, "How can you not hate me?"

She leaned in and kissed him softly then, allowing the tears to fall, "Neil, this...distancing ourselves at the hospital is necessary. But not at home. Please not at home. Look what it's doing to us. We're fooling them, but we're fooling ourselves too. Peeking around corners, assuming someone is watching us at all times. It needs to stop at the front door. We're acting like we did before we were even friends, tiptoeing around one another not wanting to admit our feelings to ourselves. As long as I have you here, at home, I can hang on as long as we have to."

"It's going to be worse before it gets better. You're so close to finishing residency but even after that there will be scrutiny, Claire. Everything you do will analyzed. Because of me. We really need to be completely distant from one another at work. I know it hurts you. I avoid you because then I don't have to see you hurting."

Claire let out a cynical laugh, "Are we trying to fool them or ourselves, Neil?"

"At work...both," Neil whispered into her hair. 

They sat in silence for minutes, or hours before Claire put her hand around Neil's and squeezed. Neil looked at her tiny hand, dwarfed by his. He hated himself more than she would ever understand. He never should have crossed that line with her, no matter how much he wanted her, needed her, loved her. He loved her too much to make her live like this. It would be better if they took a break, let her finish her residency and then let her decide if what they had was worth it. Such a fucking shame that two people who loved each other so much couldn't find happiness. Claire's hand tugged on his, pulling him to her as she scooted back on the bed, removing the towel around her. Her eyes were soft, inviting, loving as she pulled at him again. He shouldn't. He should tell her everything he was thinking. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Instead he moved toward her. She was his drug, he was an addict. Unable to stop himself his eyes drank her in as he moved over her, covering her mouth with his. 

Claire clung to him, giving him access to her mouth, her body. There was no rush this night, they moved slowly, hands and lips moving over one another with comforting familiarity. When Neil was finally deep inside her, their hands entwined, looking deep into each other's eyes, Neil whispered, "I love you. Please remember that. No matter what, I love you."

Tears spilled over Claire's eyes as she nodded, "I love you, too."

Neil moved inside her, making her gasp, then stopped, "Say it, Claire. Say you know how much I love you. Please tell me you understand how much I love you. You...you are my forever. Even if things get bad, even if you wind up hating me, please tell tell me you understand, baby."

Claire smiled. Of all the endearments Neil showered her with he knew "baby" was her undoing, "I do understand, Neil. Even if it takes us a long time to get to forever, I know you love me. You tell me, too, that you won't give up on us. On me."

His eyes softened, a sheen of tears visible in his soft brown eyes, "I will never give up you, Claire."

Curled into Neil's arms after he made long, slow love to her she thought of the deep words they had exchanged. Their love, their bond was deep. Wrapped in his arms the love they shared was palpable, beautiful and complete, but in the back of her mind she couldn't help the feeling that this was a good bye of sorts. She pushed the thought aside and pressed closer into his embrace, inhaling his scent and finally slept. 

Neil lie awake for a long time, long after Claire's even breathing let him know she was sleeping. Tears seeped from the corners of his eyes and he prayed, yes prayed, that he would not lose the woman pressed snugly into his arms. A conversation with Lim earlier that day left him with a dreaded inkling at what they'd face in the coming weeks. Claire would be finishing residency and because of a favoritism complaint filed months ago her every move would be scrutinized. Lim had let him know in no uncertain terms that Claire would be carefully monitored because the hospital couldn't risk that she'd made her way through residency because of favoritism, any leniency on his part as her attending or his enthusiasm and praise of her work. Claire would have to prove herself on her own, prove she was as talented as he thought she was, and she would have to do it with as little interaction with him as possible. They wouldn't be working together unless absolutely necessary and as Lim had shown him Claire's schedule they wouldn't even cross paths in the hospital for weeks. 

He'd done this to her. His actions meant the road ahead for Claire would be hell. Neil hadn't even protested during his meeting with Lim. He would gracefully bow out and let Claire make it on her own. As Lim had reminded him, if five years down the road one of Claire's surgeries went bad, which at least one undoubtedly would, if there were any inkling that Claire had made it through his residency program because of favoritism or any other "personal relations" with him, her career would be tarnished forever, whether she was working at St. Bonaventure or elsewhere, his inappropriate interactions with her would follow her career for the rest of her life. 

He looked down at the sleeping woman in his arms. No matter what she had said, she was sure to grow to resent the shadow over her career, grow to resent him. He hadn't lied when he'd told her she was his forever. She was it for him. She was the one. He prayed, God how he prayed, that they, she, could overcome the enormity of their situation. 


	3. Do You Remember?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil and Claire's roles at the hospital spill over into their lives at home, eroding their relationship. Both begin to believe the old saying "sometimes love just isn't enough" is true after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate writing this chapter, but I have to. Actions have consequences and happily ever after is never as easy as it should be. We'll get there, though.

The next couple of months were the worst of Neil's life. Claire had been taken off his rotation and placed on Lim's and he saw the pain in Claire's eyes when he had sat quietly when Lim had informed them of this. He knew being taken off his rotation didn't hurt Claire nearly as bad as his silence on the matter; he'd given in to Lim gracefully and didn't argue with her. Neither of them spoke of it at home or at work. They didn't have to. 

That day had been the beginning of a downward spiral for both of them. The tension at work was now evident at home, unspoken but there none the less. Because of Claire's new schedule they rarely saw one another at the hospital or at home. They were drifting apart; their rare evenings together at home were tense and uncomfortable. Their discomfort around each other only grew. Things between them really began to fall apart when Claire had come into his office late one evening and told him quietly she was going to spend the night at her house, mumbling something about needing to catch up on her mail and make sure the the place was still standing. They both knew it was bullshit, but Neil didn't argue. He saw the pain in her eyes as he told her it was probably a good idea. When she'd turned and left his office silently Neil gave into his pain and anger, slamming his fist onto his desk. 

Claire made it to her car that night before letting the tears flow; the pain was gut wrenching as she wondered how the hell this could be happening. After crying for a few minutes she composed herself, pulling out of her parking space when her phone dinged. She stopped, glancing at her phone. It was a text from Neil. "Do you remember?" Who would have thought three simple words could shred her heart. Of course she remembered. She repeated his words from weeks ago daily in her head, like a mantra. She remembered clearly the night he'd made her promise to remember he loved her no matter what happened. She believed him. She knew he loved her. She knew she loved him. But now, now she was seeing that maybe it wasn't enough. Sighing she text him back. 'Yes. Do you remember?'

She was pulling up to her house when her phone dinged again. Her heart was pounding in her ears when she opened the text from Neil. She sat in her dark driveway and started the text for a long time. 'Let me know when you get home safely. I love you, Claire.' She cried loud then, loud sobs that shook her body. Home. Why did he use that word? This wasn't her home. Her home was with him, or so she'd thought. "Why?" she cried out. "Why do I finally get what I want just to have it taken from me?" She cried until she was exhausted, then headed to her front door and let herself in to her house. 

She knew immediately something was wrong. A lamp shone from her bedroom, a lamp she had definitely not left on the last time she'd been there. She set her bag down and cautiously made her way to the threshold of her bedroom. There was a white box in the middle of her bed. She knew she should leave now, but she walked toward the box. She slowly opened it and screamed, jumping backwards. The box contained a dead rat, with it's feet or hand or whatever the hell rats had cut off. On the inside lid of the box was a note written in black marker. WHAT A SHAME IT WOULD BE IF MELENDEZ LOST HIS HANDS. JUST A REMINDER TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

Oh, God. Coyle. She forced herself to take a picture of the disgusting "gift" she'd received then ran to her car, shaking and heart pounding. She immediately steered her car home. To Neil's. No, she couldn't go there. She pulled into a supermarket parking lot and tried to compose herself. The urge to go to Neil was overwhelming. She knew the comfort and safety of his arms around her was only minutes away but she couldn't dump this on him. She'd caused him enough trouble. Shit! He would know that she should be home by now and if she didn't text him he'd call and hearing his voice right now...she couldn't talk to him. He'd know something was wrong. She quickly text him. 'Made it safe.' She hesitated and added, 'I love you too.'

Claire drove to Morgan's apartment, it was the only place she could think of to go. They weren't besties by any means but she knew Morgan wouldn't turn her away. 

Morgan answered her door, took one look at Claire and pulled her inside. "What the hell happened to you?"

Claire nursed the cup of tea Morgan had given her and seeing genuine care in Morgan's eyes, Claire told her everything. The attack. Neil. The mess their relationship was in. The rat in a box on her bed. She'd even shown Morgan the pictures of her bruises after the attack that Lim had taken and sent to Claire's phone, just in case she ever decided to come forward about the attack. 

Morgan looked at the pictures then looked at Claire with tears in her eyes, "Jesus Christ, Claire. I..I am so sorry," she pulled the other woman into her arms, holding her tight.

Claire cried on Morgan's shoulder for what seemed like hours but was really only a few minutes. When Morgan asked what needed Claire blurted out, "Neil. I need Neil. I...oh my God, Coyle could hurt him. I..." she was cut off when Morgan tackled her, knocking her off the couch and onto the floor, "What the hell, Morgan?"

Morgan reached up and shut off her living room lamp, leaving them in darkness, "Shh. Someone is outside."

"What?" Claire whispered.

Morgan nodded at the wall and sure enough there was a flashlight beam shining in the front window, bouncing off the wall. Morgan did a sniper crawl to the front window and looked outside, then grabbed her cell phone and her gun.

"Morgan!" Claire whispered, "What is it?"

"Stay down and away from the window. I'm calling Alex."

"Why?"

"Because he's a former cop and Matt Coyle is sitting in a parked car across the street shining a flashlight into my living room." 

Claire's stomach lurched. What the holy hell was going on? How had the blissful life of two months ago turned into this? After a quick conversation with Alex Morgan hung up and very carefully placed her phone against the window, snapping pictures.

"It's too dark, those won't show anything."

Morgan gave her a grim smile, "Night vision. I've been stalked before. I know how to protect myself," she showed the images to Claire and the photos showed Coyle sitting in his car across the street. 

Claire had no words, and she and Morgan sat in the dark against her front door in silence. Claire was surprised when Morgan reached for her hand, "He loves you, you know," Morgan said softly. 

Claire nodded, "I know," Claire said softly. 

"He's afraid for you. He's being an idiot, but he's doing it out of love." 

Claire laughed at Morgan calling Neil an idiot, "I'd love to see you call him an idiot to his face."

"I'd like to call him one right now."

Claire giggled, almost a hysterical giggle. 

"What could you possibly be laughing about right now?"

Claire laughed harder, "Because two months ago my life was perfect and now I'm sitting here in the dark with you holding a gun listening you call Neil an idiot, and you don't even like me!" Claire laughed harder. 

Morgan started laughing, too, "Me comforting and protecting St. Claire!"

They laughed and laughed until they were both crying, distracting themselves from the danger of the situation. After laughing until their sides hurt, Claire asked, "Is he still there?"

They crawled over to the window and both peeked out, seeing him sitting in his car, watching the apartment. Morgan's phone buzzed, "It's Alex," she said, "Come on. He's around the corner getting pictures of the bastard. He wants us to go in the bedroom until he comes to the door."

They crawled together to Morgan's bedroom and closed the door, "What will Coyle do if he see's Alex?" Claire worried.

Confidently Morgan answered, "Drive away. Stalkers are cowardly bastards."

They waited a few minutes in silence and Claire jumped when she heard Alex at Morgan's door, "Open up, ladies. He's gone," Alex called. 

Once Alex was in the apartment Morgan took the burden off Claire and reiterated Claire's predicament to Alex. Alex looked at her photos, including the one with her gifted dead rat and looked at Claire, expression concerned, "Claire, are you sure you don't want me to call Neil? He'd want to know what's going on. I know I would."

Claire thought long and hard. Of course she wanted Neil to know what was going on but that was selfishly for her own sake. Coyle had threatened Neil and she couldn't put him at risk just because she wanted him to hold her and tell her everything would be all right. Besides, he may do something stupid, "No. No, Coyle threatened him and I don't want to dump more onto his plate than her already has. He'd worry, wouldn't let me out of his sight and I'm afraid her may...,"

Alex interrupted her, "Kill him if he had the chance?"

"Yes," she said, "I'll manage this on my own."

"Like hell," Morgan snorted, "Alex and I have your back. The last thing you need is to be heartbroken, alone and be stalked by a man who tried to rape you. You'll stay with me," Morgan told her. 

Claire started to argue but Alex interrupted, "I agree, Claire. Tell me what you need from your house and I'll go get it for you. I'll make a few calls and have some officers meet me there, quietly, as a favor," Alex raised his hand to stop Claire from speaking, "I have a few friends on the force and we can make some soft inquiries into Coyle. The truth may have to come out, though, Claire. He tried to rape you and now he's stalking you and threatening the man you love. We can keep it quiet but when this all comes to a head," he shrugged, "you're going to have to talk to the police. Not just for your safety but for Neil's."

Claire nodded, "You..you'll make sure Neil is protected, right?"

Morgan looked at Claire incredulously, "Claire, this bastard tried to rape you! He beat the shit out of you and you're worried about Neil's safety? You don't want to 'dump this on him'? Are you kidding me? Look at you! You're terrified, shaking, and the man who tried to rape you was in your house. He was parked outside my apartment watching you. But you're worried about Neil?"

"The...rat," Claire choked on the word, "was a threat to Neil. He threatened to take Neil's hands. He's a surgeon, Morgan. I can't let anything happen to him."

Morgan rolled her eyes, "You two are one hot fucking mess. You love each other but are miserable because he's scared of ruining your career and you're afraid you're responsible for his. I can't decide if you're the nicest person in the world or just stupid."

"Morgan," Alex interrupted her.

"No, Alex, it's true," Morgan turned to face Claire, "You're both willing to throw away something most people would kill to have because you're both scared of things neither of you can control. Just live, dammit! Fight!"

"I don't know how, Morgan. He really believes he's put my whole career in jeopardy and he hates himself for it. I don't know how to fight that," Claire told her helplessly. 

Morgan's expression softened, "You're not stupid. You're just too damn nice. I've never met anyone like you, Claire. You don't have a selfish bone in your body, but you're staying with me now. We gotta build you a backbone."

Claire thought about Morgan's words and she was right. Fear was pushing aside the love she and Neil had for each other, and they were both allowing it to happen. But now wasn't the time to address that, she needed to make sure Neil was safe. She was sticking to her guns on that one. She looked at Alex, "Morgan's right, but right now I just have to know Neil will be safe. Please, Alex."

Alex stood, pulling her into a hug, "Yes. But Claire if it becomes apparent that he's in imminent danger you'll have to tell him."

"I will, but for now Coyle seems fixated on me keeping my mouth shut. So I'll keep my mouth shut."

Alex nodded, pointed to Morgan and her gun, "Stay safe. See you both tomorrow. Text me a list of what you need from your house, Claire, and I'll bring it to you."

After Alex the enormity of what had transpired came crashing down on Claire, leaving her emotionally and physically exhausted. Morgan must have noticed because she stood, holding out her hand to Claire, "Come on," she said, leading Claire to the bathroom, "I have a tooth brush, shampoo, soap, anything you need for tonight. I'll throw your scrubs in the wash so you can wear them tomorrow. We'll shop for anything else you need tomorrow."

"You don't need to wash my scrubs, you'll be up all night," Claire protested. 

"Claire stop being so damn nice! I'll take care of it," she turned to walk out of the bathroom then stopped, "I do like you, Claire, but you are way too nice, too selfless. Everyone can see what you and Neil have, and it's special."

"What do you mean everyone can see? We haven't told anyone."

Morgan leaned against the doorjamb, crossing her arms over her chest, "You don't have to tell anyone. It's visible, palpable. Hell, people can feel it. Why do you think Lim and the powers that be chose now to start micromanaging you both instead of when the favoritism complaint was made? After you were attacked Neil was...different. I mean, there's always been something humming between the two of you but after Coyle, Neil was distracted, worried. He tried to hide it," she shrugged, "Then when you came back to work a blind man could've seen the love between you two. Hospital admin talked to all of us, as a group and individually. None of us told them a damn thing. They pushed hard, playing us against one another, making veiled threats, anything they could trying to get one of us to hint at something inappropriate between you two. We all agreed not to. Even Shaun kept quiet."

Shocked at what she was hearing Claire stuttered, "But Shaun can't lie."

Morgan sighed, "I take back saying you aren't stupid. Claire, he didn't have to lie. Nothing inappropriate was going on between you and Melendez. You weren't flaunting a tawdry affair or fucking on the break room table and we all know you don't need to sleep with anyone to get through residency. You're an excellent surgeon, Claire, you just fell in love. Neil fell in love. What you have is not inappropriate. No one has the right to tell anyone when to fall in love. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that."

Claire stopped her when she turned to walk away, "Why? Morgan you had the opportunity to ruin me, ruin Neil, and you didn't. Why? You've made no secret of your dislike for me. Why wouldn't you throw me under the bus when you had the chance?"

Morgan looked annoyed, "Claire, I was jealous of you when we met. I probably still am. I'm a good surgeon, but you're a natural. And I know what it's like to lose what you have. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. And I do like you. You've grown on me. Like a fungus."

They both laughed at that, "Well, thank you. I had no idea the hospital had talked to all of you. Thank you for not throwing me under the bus."

"You're welcome. Don't let me down, Claire. We will deal with Coyle, then I expect you to fight like hell for your man."

Resolve restored, "I will," she said, conviction in her tone but lips quivering, tears spilling over over her cheeks, "I'm just scared."

Morgan rolled her eyes, "Oh for God's sake," she muttered before hugging Claire, letting her cry on her shoulder. 

Neil knew something was going on with his residents. For the past two weeks Alex and Morgan had shown up to work looking exhausted, Morgan was especially bitchy towards him and even Alex was giving him the cold shoulder. Did everyone hate him? He walked into the conference room and Alex and Morgan were looking at a picture on Morgan's phone. He picked up part of their conversation as he walked in.

"Look at that target. I mean, she obliterated it. Who ever would have thought she'd be a fucking crack shot?"

"Who's a crack shot?" Neil asked, not really caring but he was bored and any conversation was better than none. He watched curiously when Alex and Morgan shared a questioning glance. 

Interest piqued, Neil asked again, "Who is a crack shot?"

Morgan looked at him and smiled. That was a change, the past two weeks she'd been glaring daggers at him. 

"Claire. Claire is a crack shot," She enjoyed the shocked expression her stoic boss couldn't quite hide. 

"Claire?" He asked, the thought of Claire firing a gun was terrifying and...hot.

"Yeah," Morgan said excitedly, "She's been joining Alex and I at the shooting range. Look at that target! Sweet, quiet little Claire is a fucking badass!"

Neil took the phone from Morgan to get a closer look. She was right, the target had six to the chest and one right between the eyes, "Claire did that?" He asked, giving her back her phone. 

Alex smirked, "Yeah. Claire did that. The third time she came to the range. She really is a natural. I think Billy down at the shooting range was disappointed at how good she was. I think he wanted to wiggle in behind her and give her some lessons."

"I'll bet he did," Neil had a death grip on his iPad. The thought of anyone but him wiggling up behind Clare was nauseating. 

"Here," Morgan shoved the phone at him again, "I took a video of her shooting the shit out of the target you just saw."

Neil took the phone, trying to be nonchalant but when he pushed play he was mesmerized and frightened as he saw Claire nodding towards Morgan, slipping the clip into the gun she held with confidence. He could hear Alex in the background instructing her, "You've done good Claire, just remember to follow through." Neil saw Claire nod at Alex's instructions and rolled her eyes at Morgan filming her. She put on her headphones and assumed a stance that seemed to come naturally to her. He watched her fire, her little body bouncing from the recoil. She emptied her clip and waited as Alex stepped up beside her and Morgan caught Claire's breathtaking smile as she pulled down the target as it appeared in front of her, watched her jump up and down and hug Alex, then the video stopped. 

Neil slowly handed Morgan back the phone, hoping neither of his residents could see the pride and sadness that was at war in his heart. 

"Hey Dr. Melendez, we're all going to the range tonight when we leave here. Why don't you come with us?" Morgan invited him. 

"No thanks. Claire would probably use me as a target," he tried to sound like he was joking. 

Morgan shrugged and said, not quite under her breath, "Justifiable homicide."

Neil heard her clearly but whipped his head around at her comment, "Excuse me Dr. Reznick?"

Morgan smiled at him sweetly, "It was nothing, Dr. Melendez."

Neil nodded and said sharply, "OR in five minutes."

Neil was still wrapping his head around Claire shooting a gun and the bizarre exchange with Morgan when the elevator doors opened and the object of his thoughts stood in front of him like a deer trapped in the headlights. Claire looked at him for a moment, then turned, "I'll take the stairs."

"Claire!" he said, annoyed, hurt, that she'd rather take the stairs that step into an elevator with him.

Claire stepped into the elevator, heart pounding. Neil looked tired, worn down. She wanted so much to wrap her arms around him and get back to...back to good.

"I hear you're good with a gun," he said.

Claire turned to him and smiled as the elevated opened and she stepped out, "Yeah, I guess I am. It's therapeutic. Almost...orgasmic."

Neil stood stunned in the elevator, then smiled. That was the most they'd spoken in a week. 

Claire stood on the stage at the bar in awe of the number of people clapping for her performance. She and Morgan had been joining Shaun and Lea for karaoke nights at the bar and she and Morgan were wildly popular with the crowd, performing Claire's favorite 80's songs. Tonight the house band had asked her to open for them with a song of her choice. She'd hesitated at the idea but Morgan had pushed her to do it. Of course, Morgan was also sweet on the lead vocalist of the house band, aptly named Home on the Road, Brandon so they'd been at the bar every night for the last month. Brandon, God bless the man, was sweet on Morgan too. Poor guy had his hands full. 

Brandon met her onstage and thanked her for her rendition of Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again." After two weeks of practicing the song she still wasn't confident she had the voice for it but apparently the crowd thought otherwise. She thanked Brandon and headed back to the table where Morgan, Shaun and Lea waited. Lea and Morgan hugged her, and even Shaun piped up, telling her that she didn't blow it. She laughed at Shaun, then headed to the bar to get a drink and froze. Dr. Matthew Coyle stood at the bar starting at her, lifting his drink up to her. Claire quickly turned around and headed back to the table.

"What's wrong?" Morgan asked.

"Look at the bar," Claire told her. 

Morgan turned to look then swore, "That bastard!" 

Shaun and Lea noticed the change in atmosphere at the table and asked what was wrong. Morgan gave them an abbreviated form of the story while quickly texting Alex, who waited for them outside. Claire watched as Alex made his way in from a side door and walked up behind Coyle. She had no idea what Alex said to Coyle, but Coyle finished his drink, put his empty glass down on the bar and left. 

Alex made his way toward their table and said sharply to him and Morgan, "Let's go."

The ride back to Morgan's was spent in silence. When they reached the apartment the three followed one another inside. 

"He's escalating, Claire. It's time to do something," he said. 

"Do you have enough proof?" Claire asked. Alex had been doing surveillance and had many photos of Coyle following Claire, of him inside her house and photos inside the hotel room Coyle was staying in. One wall of the hotel room had been covered in pictures of Claire.

"I think so, yes."

"And if you don't, doing something could piss him off enough to hurt Neil, right?"

"Claire, how long are you going to let this go on?" Morgan asked. "This asshole has been following you around for weeks. You wake me up screaming every night with your nightmares. I'm not mad about the nightmares, Claire," Morgan reached out and took her hand, "but it's time to put a stop to this."

"My nightmares are about him hurting Neil. I," she took a deep breath and asked Alex, "I could bait him, couldn't I? I know the police do that sometimes. I can do that if it means you catch him with enough to really put him away."

"Claire that's dangerous. This is ridiculous. We need to call Neil right now and let him in on what's going on," Alex snapped. 

"No! No, please don't. Let me...let me bait him. Please," Claire pleaded. 

Alex started at her for a long time before relenting, "All right. Give us a couple more weeks to try and get more on him and if that doesn't work, I'll run your idea by the police."

"Claire, you're putting your life on the line for MelendASS and he doesn't even know it. He's too goddamned busy worrying about your career and breaking your heart to be worth a shit!" Morgan said angrily. 

"Morgan, don't call him that," Claire said. 

"Claire. I get it. The hospital is putting pressure on you both. If somewhere down the line you fuck up a surgery and there's even a whisper that you had an inappropriate relationship with you attending during your residency your reputation and your career will be over. I know why you both are acting like fools. The threat is very real. But so is this. Life is full of risks. You have three doctors ready and willing to go to the hospital board and back both you and Melendez if we need to. But this thing with Coyle is risking your actual life."

"You'd do that? You, Alex and Shaun would go to the board for us?"

"YES!" they both shouted. 

Claire sat, quietly thinking. 

Alex patted her on the back, "I'm staying here tonight. I'll go to the car and get my things."

Two weeks later Neil had had enough. His residents were acting stranger by the day and that now included Shaun. The kid wouldn't stay alone in a room with him for more than a minute. Park had been distant and distracted and Morgan showed up every day with dark circles under her eyes and was a flat out bitch. He was tired of pretending that everything was fine when it wasn't. His life was empty. He wanted Claire to come home. He had already decided this couldn't go on any longer and had a meeting with Lim, Andrews and Glassman the next afternoon. He had no idea what he was going to tell them. He was prepared to fight them tooth and nail to get them to see he and Claire hadn't carried on dirty, illicit affair, that what they had was much more than that. He was willing to beg, or resign. He just wanted Claire to come home. The house was empty without her, yet her presence was everywhere. The patio. Everything she had done to make his bare bachelor pad into a home. He physically ached for her, needed her. He needed to touch her, hold her, hell he just needed to be able to breathe her in. He could not live like this. Would not. 

They had talked on the phone a few times, texted. He missed her like hell. He was living with an emptiness inside him he could no longer stand. An emptiness she filled. An emptiness he was done living with. He walked out onto his balcony, looking down on a sleepy city. He was here over an hour early. Hearing someone walking behind him his heart began to pound. Claire. He turned, but he didn't see Claire. A very angry, tired looking Morgan was walking toward him. 

"Morgan, why are you here so early?" he asked, backing up a couple steps. She looked pissed enough to punch him.

"We're here on our own time, right?" She demanded. 

"Yes," he said cautiously.

"And I can talk to you like a normal human being and not my boss, right? I can speak freely to you and nothing will be held against me, right?"

"Of course. I'm not your boss when we're not on the clock. Say what you have to say, Morgan."

"Do you have any idea how much Claire loves you?" She demanded.

"Morgan, I think you have the wrong idea. Clare and I...,"

"Spare me the bullshit. I know everything. Claire told me the night she came to my apartment late at night after she found a dead rat in a box on her bed, courtesy of Coyle, with it's feet cut off and a note threatening her to keep her mouth shut or he'd take off your hands. That would be the same night she and I crawled around my apartment on our hands and knees because the bastard Coyle was parked outside watching us, she and I sat in the dark with my gun waiting for Alex to get there because Claire wouldn't go to the police. You want to know why she wouldn't, won't go to the police?," she paused but gave him no time to answer, "Because he threatened you. She carried on about how you have enough on your plate with the hospital playing hard ball and didn't need to be worrying about her. The bastard's been following her for weeks. He sits in his car outside my apartment watching her. Yeah," she nodded at the question in his eyes, "she's been staying with me. I sit up with her every night when she wakes up screaming from nightmares. Every. Single. Night. I hold her while she cries out for you. And where are you? Oh yes, you're busy 'protecting her career' from something that may never happen. Well let me tell you what did happen. Last night we got home from singing Karaoke and were watching a movie when a Molotov cocktail came flying through my window! Again, where were you? Fighting invisible baddies, making both of you miserable because of something that might happen. Well let me tell you what will happen! He will kill her. He will kill her and all you're misery will have been for nothing!"

Neil stared at her, struck dumb. What she said couldn't possibly be true. Not a word of it. But as he looked at her, really looked at her, he saw how tired she was. She was angry as hell but beneath that he could see the worry etched into her face, the tears in her eyes. As the reality of her words began to sink in, the events of the past couple of months began falling into place. Morgan's exhaustion, her attitude towards him, the absence of her cut throat competitiveness. Park's distraction. Panic threatened to swallow him, "Where is she?" He asked, "Where's Claire?" 

"With Alex, talking to the police. Finally."

"I need to get there," Neil began frantically searching for his keys.

"No, you don't," Morgan said firmly, "She's terrified for you and if you go down there now I don't know if she'll cooperate. I promised her I'd keep you here."

Feeling dizzy and nauseated Neil walked into his office, telling her he needed to get to Claire now.

Hands on her hips, Morgan looked him straight in the eye, "I promised her I'd keep you here. Sit down before you fall down."

Once settled on his office couch he looked desperately at Morgan and asked her to start at the beginning. 

Morgan felt truly sorry for her boss. He looked like he was going to pass out, "She came to my apartment after finding the rat. We were talking when I saw a flashlight beam on my wall. Coyle was outside. We shut off the lights and I called Alex. We waited in the bedroom for Alex to get there. Alex called in some favors at the police department. Coyle has had someone on him at all times, usually Alex unless Alex was here. He has a lot of pictures of Coyle following Claire. A couple weeks ago Coyle was at the Karaoke bar Claire and I were at, actually lifted his glass to Claire. Son of a bitch."

"Both of you have looked exhausted for weeks," Neil said absently. 

"Yeah."

"I should have been there," tears rolled down his face. His sweet Claire had been going though a hell he hadn't even known about. Alone. He'd promised her she'd never be alone again. He'd broken that promise. The fears that had ruled his every thought had left her caught up in a hell he couldn't wrap his head around. Alone. 

"You should have," she said coldly, but then followed with, "Your concerns about her career are legitimate."

"But you disagree with how I handled it."

"I think what you and Claire have is worth fighting for. And yeah, I'm really pissed at you for not fighting but that's not important. That's between you and Claire, but I'll tell ya, she's ready to fight. She's a feisty little shit. Stubborn. It took a Molotov cocktail to get her to agree to even talk to the police."

"Why the hell would she not talk to the police?"

Morgan looked uncomfortable, "She didn't think we had enough on Coyle to put him away and was afraid he would...uh, carry out the threat he made against you."

"Of course. Of course she was!" He shouted as he stood and began pacing, stopping to bury his face in his hands. Morgan was right. He was busy worrying about something that may never happen while Claire faced a real, tangible threat. A threat that could take her away from him forever. He couldn't fathom the thought of Claire being gone...dead. But she could be. She could have been killed last night. Last night. He didn't care that one of his residents was in the room with him, didn't care what she thought as he let himself cry out loud at the fear that was now a physical pain.

Morgan watched her boss and couldn't help but feel his pain. She was uncomfortable, she'd seen her boss in many different situations but this one...hurt. She slowly stood and made her way over to him, tentatively placing a hand on his arm. "I never thought Claire and I would become good friends. Ever. But she's the most genuinely kind, compassionate, caring person I've ever met," Morgan wasn't good at this comforting people thing yet, but she was relieved when he calmed down. 

"Yeah. Yeah she is," Neil sat down, putting his head in his hands, "What's the plan?" 

"I need the day off. The police have put Claire and I up in a hotel, under different names. I need to be with her. Alex will be here, he can fill you in on what he and the police will be doing. Claire and I will lay low, she'll do her gig tonight and...,"

Neil looked at her in confusion, "Gig?"

Morgan grinned, "Well, see, she's been singing with the house band at the Karaoke bar. She is really popular with the crowd. When she's singing the crowd size triples. Standing room only. Our girl has a hell of a singing voice."

Neil shook his head, "Guns and singing."

"Yeah, well, she's really good. She's singing at a prom tonight."

He blinked in disbelief, "Prom? What...is that safe?"

"I'll be there. The police will be there. You'll be there," Morgan said. 

"Me?" Neil asked incredulously.

"Yeah. We need you to be there to take her back to the hotel and keep her safe. Can you do that?"

"Of course I can do that! What...what the hell. How is this happening?" Neil asked, not really expecting an answer. 

The day went by in a blur. Neil had had Lim reassign his surgery schedule. He knew he must look like shit because she didn't argue. Alex came into his office and shut the door around noon. 

Alex slid a folder toward Neil, "This is what we've got. Bastard's obsessed with her."

Neil felt sick looking through the pictures. When he got to the photos of Coyle's hotel room he cursed, "That son of a bitch has never been in Boston. He's been here the whole time, following her."

"Yeah. It's a good think she was with you most of the time or he may have gotten to her," Alex told him.

"How long have you known?" Neil asked him.

"We've all known for a long time. Probably before the two of you even knew it. And just so you know, we're all ready to back you both when you take it to the board. I'm assuming you're taking it to the board. I fucking hope so. You're both absolutely miserable. That's no way to live, man."

Neil looked at him with a raised brow, "No, it's not. Her career...it means so much to her. It's a big risk to take."

"I've been around nearly twenty four seven for the past couple months. She's never once mentioned her career. But the poor kid's miserable. I wanted to kick some sense into both of you, but Coyle beat me to it."

"How's that?" Neil frowned. 

"Coyle, the hospital, either could separate you but only one would be permanent. Claire knows the risks your relationship brings to her career. She fully understands those risks, but she loves you more than she's afraid. She also sees things from your perspective and it's breaking her heart that you think she'd hate you should something happen down the road that puts her career or reputation at risk. She's made us keep this to ourselves so as not to add to your burden. She didn't want you worrying. It's why she wants to use herself as bait to lure Coyle into doing something we can really put him away for."

Neil sucked in a breath, "The fuck she will!"

Alex looked at Neil grimly, "Which is why she'll be at the hotel with you tonight while the police take him down." 

Neil nodded, "I have a meeting with Lim, Andrews and Glassman tomorrow. I came in here this morning not having a clue what to tell them. Now I see this," he pointed to the photos spread out in front of him, "and I don't really care. I just need her safe." 

"Tomorrow is a Sunday," Alex said. 

"There was no other time to meet with the board. They sure agreed to meet quickly enough."

"Let us know what time, Neil, and we'll be there. Shaun, Morgan, myself, we'll be there."

"You'd take that risk?" Neil asked in disbelief.

"We already did, several times," Alex told him, "Hospital admin's been breathing down our necks for a while now. Talked to us together, separate. We all let them know in no uncertain terms that nothing appropriate has ever gone on with you and Claire," Alex stood, beginning to head out the door when Neil stopped him.

"Alex, how is she holding up? Please tell me the truth. I...we've talked a few times but not about Coyle, obviously."

Alex grinned, "She's stubborn. A pain in the ass. She drives me nuts," he answered honestly. 

Neil's mouth pulled into a half smile, "That sounds about right."

"She's worried about you. She's hurting, scared. Wakes up screaming for you in the middle of the night. I thought she'd take my head off anytime I mentioned letting you know about Coyle and she can shoot a gun. She's a bundle of joy, Neil. And I'm glad she's yours, God help you," with that he left the office. 

Yes, Neil thought to himself. God help him.

Neil sat in a dark corner of the ballroom, prom in full swing. He watched the teenagers dancing, decked out in gowns and tuxes that must've set their parents' back hundreds of dollars. They were certainly enjoying the music, as was he. The band was actually good, really good, but he was transfixed on Claire. She looked beautiful in her simple black dress that fit like a glove and when she sang she took his breath away. He'd heard her sing but she'd always been shy about singing in front of him. He didn't know why; her voice was beautiful. Her deep throaty tone really took on a raspy sound on the heavier songs that gave him chills.

He glanced up as Morgan made her way to him, making sure to sit in front of him. Claire had no idea he was here and he didn't know how she'd respond when she discovered his presence. Morgan looked at him, grinning, "Our girl's about to kill it with this one," she said proudly. Neil watched as Claire took a seat on a stool on stage clutching a guitar. She smiled at the crowd of teenagers and spoke softly into the microphone, "You all look amazing tonight! I am so glad my friend talked me into being here. I'm a bit of an 80's nerd, so I hope you like this one," she said.

Morgan smiled at Neil, "She's talking about me. I begged her to do this!"

Neil smiled genuinely at Morgan's excitement. Never in a million years had he imagined her and Claire as close friends. 

Claire began strumming the guitar in a tune that was familiar but not something he could immediately identify. As she began to sing, though, it wasn't the tune that spoke to him but the words.

_'Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you_

_Caught up in circles confusion is nothing new_

_Flash back, warm nights, almost left behind_

_Suitcase of memories time after_

_Sometimes you picture me, I'm walking too far ahead,_

_You're calling to me, I can't hear what you've said_

_You say go slow, I fall behind_

_The second hand unwinds_

_If you're lost you can look and you will find me_

_Time after time_

_If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting_

_Time after time..._

_After my picture fades and darkness has turned to gray_

_Watching through windows you're wondering if I'm okay_

_Secrets stolen, from deep inside...'_

Neil's throat clogged with emotion watching as Claire put tangible emotion into her words. Eyes closed she belted out the emotional lyrics, pain contorting her face. For the first time in a long time Neil knew without arrogance that she was singing about the the two of them. He summoned all the strength he had inside to keep himself from walking up to the stage and wrapping her in his arms. Was this how she felt? The desperation and sadness she put into the music broke his heart. He had done this. He'd gotten so wrapped up in protecting her he had alienated her, made her feel alone. When she finished the song his face was wet with tears as was Morgan's. 

"I recorded that. Do you want me to send it to you?"

Not trusting himself to speak, he nodded. 

Claire was thanking the crowd for having her, thanking the band for inviting her along to perform.

Morgan straightened, "Oh no she's not! She's not getting away without singing the song she needs to sing and you need to hear!"

Neil had no time to stop her as Morgan made her way on stage, taking the microphone from Claire, "You all want one more from Claire?"

The kids clapped and shouted yes as Claire glared at Morgan, taking the microphone from her, "Please forgive my friend, she has more faith in my voice than I do. There is a song that means a lot to me personally, but I don't think I'm ready to sing it in front of anyone yet."

Morgan leaned into the mic and said, "I think the crowd disagrees. So do I. I've been hearing it non stop for two weeks, Claire. You're ready."

Claire gracefully gave in, spoke quietly with the band and again took her seat on the stool, this time without a guitar, "Queen did this song and it was covered by one of my favorite bands, Breaking Benjamin. I hope I do it justice."

Neil knew from the moment she began singing that Morgan had set this up for a reason. He didn't know whether to thank her or strangle her.

_'There's no time for us_

_There's no place for us_

_What is this thing that builds our dreams,_

_Yet slips away from us?_

_Who wants to live forever?_

_There's no chance for us,_

_It's all decided for us,_

_This world has only one sweet moment_

_Set aside for us_

_Who wants to live forever?_

_Who dares to love forever?_

_OHhh, when love must die?_

_Then touch my tears with your lips,_

_Touch my whole world with your finger tips_

_And we can have forever_

_And we can love forever_

_Forever is our today_

_Who waits forever anyway?'_

By mid song Claire had been on her feet, microphone clenched in one hand her other hand in a fist as she bent forward and sang full voice, the words seeming to come from deep inside. When she'd finished she stood in shock, as the kids in the crowd lost their minds and every member of the band jumped around, hugging her tightly. Morgan raced to the stage and nearly bowled Claire over wrapping her in a bear hug. Neil couldn't remain seated any longer. If her choice of music was any indication, she was definitely ready to fight for their relationship and Neil wasn't waiting another moment to let her know he was ready, too. 

Neil didn't climb onto the stage but stood at bottom of the steps Claire was descending to make her exit. She froze when she saw him. He held her eyes for what felt like forever before reaching out his hand to her. 

Claire stared at Neil, not believing he was here, not believing he had heard her pour her heart out in her music. Through the tears gathering in her eyes she saw the tears on his cheeks. When he reached his hand up to her she hesitated only a second before putting her hand in his, allowing him to to take her hand in hers. Her eyes never left his as she descended the stairs and he pulled her to his side, guiding her back to a table in a dark corner of the ballroom. They didn't have a chance to speak before Morgan appeared.

"Oh my God, Claire! You nailed that! I had goosebumps!"

"You basically forced my hand, Morgan," Claire said wryly.

Morgan waved Claire's words away, "Yeah, well, you needed to sing it and he," she poked Neil in the shoulder, "needed to hear it. Now toodle," she waved them away, "Get. An officer is waiting to take you both to the hotel."

"What about you? You can't go home, Morgan!" Claire's voice raised.

Morgan gave her a devilish grin, "Oh, I'm not going home. Brandon and I will be at the hotel, too. Now get!" She shooed them toward a plainclothes officer waiting at the door. 

They rode to hotel in silence, Neil never letting go of Claire's hand. Once at the hotel they were ushered in a back door and took a staff elevator to their floor, waiting in the hall while the officer checked their room. 

"All clear. Claire, you know who to call if Dr. Coyle contacts you?"

"Yes," she nodded, "Thank you, Officer."

Neil led her into their room, closing the door and locking the deadbolt. 

"I...," she started but Neil shushed her immediately, pulling her into his arms. He held her tightly, one arm around her waist, the other buried in her hair, holding her head under his chin. The tight band that had been constricting his breath for two months loosened as he held her, as he felt her relax into him and wrap her arms tightly around his waist. They stood clinging to one another for a long time; Neil reassuring himself she was back in his arms where she belonged, alive and safe. Claire clung to Neil, her face pressed into his chest, eyes tightly shut, squeezing out the big, nasty world outside and letting relief course through her veins. Finally she spoke, "Neil?"

"Yeah, baby?" He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"We have a lot to talk about."

"Yeah, we do," he loosened his grip on her, allowing her to pull back enough to look at him, "Why don't you get into your night shirt? It'll be easier talk in more comfortable clothes."

She nodded, heading into the bathroom to brush her teeth, wash her face and change into the shirt she slept in every night, one of Neil's tee shirts. She stood staring at the bathroom door, telling herself there was no reason to be nervous. Right, Claire. Right. 


	4. Facing our Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Neil FINALLY start to deal with the dark cloud hanging over their relationship! After a dangerous brush with Coyle Neil decides he will not lose Claire, not to Coyle, not to the hospital administrators and certainly not to fear.

Claire walked out of the bathroom to find Neil in one of the room's chairs across from the bed. He motioned for her to sit on the bed and when she did he knelt in front of her and took her hands. 

"What are you doing?" She asked nervously.

"Apologizing. Claire," he looked up at her, "I am so sorry. I'm sorry I let my fear rule me, I'm sorry I let it drive us apart. I'm so sorry I hurt you," He whispered, tears filling his eyes, his hands trembling around hers, "I hated myself. I was terrified our relationship would ruin your career. I thought you were being naive about what could happen down the road."

"I knew, Neil. I knew what could happen, could still happen, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. You took that decision away from me with no regard to how I felt. It hurt Neil. God, it hurt. I thought you were embarrassed to be with me," tears fell from her eyes onto their clasped hands.

"Why would you even think that Claire?"

"Because I'm a fucking mess! I've been a mess since you met me. I was always pushing people away, escaping reality by using men, the drama with my mother, then Coyle. I thought you saw a way out and took it."

"No, baby," he buried his head in her lap, "God no. I promise you I never thought that for a moment. The roles we played a the hospital just became too much too handle, it spilled over into our lives at home. I let it. I didn't try to stop it. I thought it would hurt less if it happened sooner rather than later. I'm so sorry, Claire."

His tears wet her legs, his words broke her heart. She started running her fingers through his hair, rubbing circles on his neck, "Neil," she said softly, cupping his face with her hands when his red rimmed eyes met hers. 

"Can you forgive me, Claire?" He asked, looking miserable. 

"Yes, of course I forgive you Neil," relief coursed through his body as he moved to sit beside her on the bed, running his hands over her face, her hair. Unable to stop himself he kissed her softly, slowly. When he pulled back Claire pressed her forehead into his, "I need to apologize, too. I refused to acknowledge your fears. I was being stubborn and selfish, even though I knew you were acting out of fear and love. I was so angry and hurt at the way we treated each other at the hospital; I brought those feelings home. I told you to leave it at the door but I...I couldn't," tears slipped down her cheeks, "I'm sorry," she whispered.

He kissed her again, her lips warm and pliant under his. Nothing should feel this good, he thought, surrounding himself in her, drowning in her, allowing himself a few moments to indulge in her softness before he questioned her about Coyle.

Claire buried her hands in Neil's hair, holding him closely to her, afraid if she didn't he would disappear. She poured her heart into kissing him, letting out a little moan when he tilted her head back and deepened the kiss. She eased herself back onto the bed, pulling him with her. He slid so she was wrapped in his arms, pressing into his chest. Running a hand over his chest she couldn't stop a sob. Neil pulled his lips from hers, pulling her into his chest, feeling her tears dampen his shirt as she pressed herself as tightly into him as possible.

"Claire?" He rubbed circles on her back, eliciting more sobs. She was making it damned hard for him to stay angry at her for not telling him about Coyle. 

"I just missed you. I have to hold on tight so you don't disappear like you do in my nightmares," Her voice was muffled against his chest. 

He tightened his arms around her, "I'm not going anywhere, Claire, but that doesn't mean I'm not upset with you."

She stilled, pulling away enough to look at him, her eyes wide, "Neil," she started.

"What were you thinking, Claire? Why didn't you tell me about Coyle?" He watched her sit up, eyes wet with tears, lips swollen, looking for all the world like a petulant child. He wanted nothing more than to pull her to him and make love to her until they were both exhausted but he couldn't allow himself those thoughts. He couldn't give in. He stood, running his hand through his hair, letting his eyes fall on her again. She had scooted up against the headboard and sat hugging her knees to her chest. "Claire?" He said again. 

"I wanted to. I almost did. When I found that rat I started driving straight home. To you."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because of the threat written inside the lid," She shivered, remembering, "I went to Morgan's."

"Yes, where I hear you and Morgan crawled around in the dark with a loaded gun while Coyle was sitting right across the street!" Neil's voice rose.

Claire frowned at him,"You make it sound worse than it was. We were talking and Morgan tackled me, knocked me off the couch and onto the floor because she saw the beam of a flashlight on her wall. We weren't crawling around like idiots, we turned out the lights, stayed low and waited for Alex. We were actually very smart about it. Except..," She stopped. 

"Except what? The gun wasn't loaded?"

"No," she spat stubbornly, "It was loaded."

"Why the hell didn't you let Alex call me when he got there? Why didn't you call me?" 

He sounded hurt. Claire sighed, "I told you I was afraid for you. The only thing I wanted was to call you," she swiped at an escaped tear, "But I wanted to keep you safe. I was afraid if we angered Coyle he'd strike out at you."

"So you thought you'd take him on all on your own? The man tried to rape you, Claire! Jesus!" He yelled, slamming his hand down on the dresser. 

"I didn't want him to hurt you! My God he said he'd cut off your hands! You saw what he did to me, I didn't want anything to happen to you, I don't want anything to happen to you! He's still a threat!" Claire hollered. 

"Yes, I remember very well what he did to you, and you want to use yourself as bait? Why, Claire? So he can kill you this time?"

"No!" She yelled, sitting up straight in the bed.

"Jesus!" Neil swore and walked to the bed to stand over Claire. He crossed his arms and stared down at her. Claire's gray green gaze held his for long moments, not once wavering. Neil finally let out a long breath, letting his arms fall to his sides, his eyes softening just slightly as he ran his hands through his hair, "Claire, I don't know whether to make love to you until we're both too exhausted to move or put you over my knee and spank you."

Claire blinked, "I vote you make love to me until we're both too exhausted to move," a slight smile curved her lips.

Neil again dropped to his knees beside the bed, pulling Claire toward him so he could frame her face with his hands, "Don't you know how much I love you? How do you think I feel knowing for the past two months you've been putting yourself at risk just going about your daily life? Coming to work? Hanging out in Karaoke bars? Why take those risks, Claire?"

"Morgan or Alex were always with me. I had to get out, Neil. Keep him following me so Alex could get enough evidence of Coyle stalking me. I need enough to put him away, not piss him off with a slap on the wrist. As long as was following me, I knew he wouldn't hurt you, and it kept us apart at the hospital. It...I don't know Neil. I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking about it. Can we talk more tomorrow? I really, really just need to be with you."

He knew he shouldn't give in to her so easily; Coyle still presented a very real threat and they needed to have a rational discussion about dealing with that threat, but she looked so beautiful, so little in the huge bed that he couldn't hold out any longer. Quickly discarding his clothes he crawled into her waiting arms, smashing his mouth into hers. He kissed her hard, reassuring himself she was his, back in his arms where she belonged. She gasped at the intensity of his kiss, opening her mouth for him, loving the feel of his tongue wrestling with hers. His hands found her breasts beneath her tee shirt and set to work massaging her breasts, pinching her nipples. She let out a soft moan and arched her back into him. 

Frustrated with the shirt between them Neil tore his lips from Claire's and grabbed the offending shirt, "Lift your arms," he demanded, "I need to see you."

She complied and Neil lifted the shirt over her head, then stared at her body. He'd wanted to take his time making love to her but he couldn't. He needed her now. Meeting her eyes he saw her urgency as well. She quickly rose so she was kneeling on the bed in front of him, her hands roaming from his abdomen to his chest and shoulders, pressing hot, open mouth kisses to his neck and jaw before finally meeting his lips again. 

There was a sense of urgency in each of them; Claire needed him deep inside her, loving her, proving to herself he was real and wouldn't disappear as he so often did in her dreams. Neil's hands roamed entire body, needing to touch her and feel that she was safe, needing to bury himself so deep inside her that he couldn't tell where he ended and she began. His ran his hands over the smooth skin of her thighs and hips, up her sides to her breasts, finally burying his hands in her hair pulling her mouth tighter against his. His lips left her mouth to press kisses along the column of her neck, along her collarbone and back to her lips again. Claire's arms were wrapped around his neck, breasts pressed tightly against his chest. Neil's hand found it's way between her legs, finding her hot and wet and ready. Ripping her panties away he teased her with his fingers, working them against her silky heat. 

Her head fell back and her nails dug into his shoulders, "Yessss. Please, Neil," she gasped. 

"So wet," he kissed her throat.

She lifted her head and met his eyes; they were dark and filled with desire, "I missed you," she whispered.

He smiled as his hand continued to work her wet folds, "I can tell."

She slid her hands between them and wrapped her hands around him. She smiled when he inhaled sharply. Two could play this game, she smiled, running her hands down the length of him, "Did you miss me too?"

He hissed as her hand moved slowly up and down, "Yes. Baby, if you don't stop...," he quickly lifted her and she was instantly on her back with Neil kneeling over her, his eyes taking in her body, stopping to meet hers as he crawled over her and pressed a kiss to her lips, then lowered his mouth to first one breast, then the other as his hand found it's way back to her core. She arched her back to press her breasts against his hot mouth, lifted her hips against his hand. He loved her noises, loved the way she began clenching around his fingers, swallowed her screams with his lips as she came against his hand. He waited until she stilled, panting, smiling at him with flushed cheeks. His breath caught at the sight of her flushed cheeks, a sheen of sweat covering her skin, eyes heavy lidded as he looked up at him. Caressing her face with kisses he positioned himself against her heat, pushing slowly inside her. 

She stilled, opening her eyes to meet his, "Please tell me this isn't a dream," she whispered. 

Lowering himself over her he kissed the tears leaking from her eyes, "It's not a dream, baby. Look at me. Watch me love you."

She nodded, locking her eyes on Neil's as he moved inside her. She sighed, wrapping her hands in his thick, dark hair pulling his lips to hers.

"I love the sounds you make when I make love to you," He whispered against her lips, smiling when her cheeks flushed. 

Moving slowly, he knew he wouldn't last long. Her breathing hitched, her inner muscles clenching around him, letting him know she was close too.

"More, Neil, please," she cried out, lifting her hips to meet his every thrust, "more," she gasped, "please."

Sweat rolling off his face he sat back on his knees and lifted her hips, allowing him to thrust deeply into her, faster, harder until she locked her legs around him and cried out his name, screaming into a pillow as she rode out her climax. Two, three more deep thrusts inside her and Neil reached his own climax, groaning as he emptied himself into her as wave after wave of pleasure crashed into him.

Claire smiled. She was in her happy place again, her favorite place, snuggled against Neil as he twirled her hair. She giggled as Neil continued to twirl her hair. She reached up for his hand but couldn't find it. She turned over and saw Coyle kneeling by the bed, twirling her hair. Her heart began to pound, "No!" She cried, "Get away from me!" She sat up, her eyes frantically searching the darkness for Neil. He was nowhere in sight. Coyle let go of her hair and she could see his hands were covered in blood.

Sitting straight up she screamed at him, "What did you do to him? Where is he?"

Coyle laughed, "I told you to keep your mouth shut, Claire. You couldn't follow that one simple rule?"

This couldn't be happening. Heart pounding furiously she scampered across the bed, away from Coyle. Where was Neil? He was just here with her, he'd made love to her and she'd fallen asleep wrapped in his arms. Hadn't she? "Neil?" She called out for him.

Coyle's bloody hands reached for her, "He can't hear you, Claire."

She shoved at his hands, screaming for him to get away from her. 

"You can't run anymore, Claire," He taunted. 

"Claire. Claire! Baby wake up!"

That was Neil's voice. He was here. Relief raced through her veins as her eyes searched for him. Where was he? He sounded so far away. 

"That's it, Claire, baby open your eyes. Look at me. Claire!" He called to her desperately. Terrified, he wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want to make this worse by touching her but he couldn't just watch her like this. She was dripping with sweat, shoving at him frantically. Surely the nightmares Morgan and Alex had told him about weren't this bad. They couldn't have been. He couldn't stand the thought of her going through this every night. He didn't think his heart could possibly break any more but hearing her scream his name in terror, wanting him, needing him and he hadn't been there for her almost brought him to his knees.

Claire opened her eyes, gulping for air. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't find Neil. Where was he? Gasping for breath she tore at the sheets she was tangled up in. Someone gently grabbed her wrist, "Claire, it's me. It's Neil. Look at me."

That's when she saw Neil sitting in the bed, felt his hand gently holding her wrist, "Neil?" she whispered. She was drenched in sweat, shivering. She felt Neil lift her, blanket and all, and carry her to one of the oversize plush chairs in their hotel room. Sitting down, he kept her in his lap, arranging the sheets and blanket around her shivering body. She could feel the panic start to recede, forced herself to breathe normally, softly whispering, "It was a dream. You're okay. He's not here," she let her head rest against his shoulder. The nightmare and panic attack left her limp. She continued the deep breathing her therapist had taught her as the effects of the nightmare slowly left her. 

Neil had no idea how long they sat until he felt her shaking finally stop. Her thrashing in the bed had woke him and he had figured she was having one of the nightmares Morgan and Alex had told him about, but he wasn't prepared for the screaming or pure terror that pulsed through him as he'd tried to wake her. Her shaking had stopped and her breathing was close to normal, "Claire?" he said softly, not wanting to startle her. 

She looked up at him and reached for his face. She smiled when her hand touched his cheek, "You're here."

"I'm here," he smiled what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

"I'm sorry," she said. 

"Stop apologizing. You can't help it if you have a nightmare. This...this is what's been happening every night?" Please God, no.

"Yeah," she admitted.

"Are they always this bad?" He pressed his lips against her clammy forehead.

She nodded. 

He felt gutted. She had terrified him; he'd watched in helpless horror until he'd been able to wake her up. Watching her thrash and scream was gut wrenching; he physically hurt for her. "Tell me what I can do to help, baby."

His brows were drawn together in concern, his eyes haunted, "You're doing it."

He shook his head, "Alex and Morgan should have called me. I wasn't there. I should have been there."

"They tried. I wouldn't let them. I know you would have been there, Neil. It's not your fault, it's mine."

He pressed his lips to her forehead again, "You're breaking my heart, Claire. I can't imagine," he stopped, breath catching on a sob, "I can't stand that I wasn't there for you."

Sitting up she pressed a kiss to his lips, "You're here now."

"No more of this, Claire. No more. We're in this together. Promise me right now, Claire."

"I promise," she whispered. 

"I will hold you to that. I mean it, Claire. From now on no more of you being on your own. It's we, baby. It's we. You and I together, not you alone. Do you understand me?" His dark eyes held hers.

Seeing his pain pierced her heart, "Yes," sitting up she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tightly, "I love you. I'm so sorry," she said into his neck.

He squeezed her tightly, "No more secrets. No more apologizing," he felt her nod into his neck, "And I love you, too."

Neil opened his eyes, squinting against the light filtering into the hotel room. Glancing down he saw Claire was still sleeping, peacefully now, thank God. He didn't know how long they had sat in the chair before getting back into bed, but it was long enough to be stiff and sore. Glancing at Claire again he sighed. Even in her sleep she was beautiful. So strong. She had been so strong for so long. Before going to sleep he'd told her about the meeting at the hospital scheduled for this afternoon. She'd been truly surprised, and happy, that he'd decided to go to the hospital board before he'd known about Coyle. Her smile had blinded him, her surprise had hurt him. Had he really made her feel that he'd let her go? That he wouldn't fight? He hadn't given her much hope, he supposed. He'd gone along with the hospital rules to the point of completely shutting her out, let her leave him. The self hatred began rising up again; Morgan had been right. While Claire fought a real fight, a real threat, he sat at home protecting her from what ifs.

Well, no more. No matter what they learned today at the hospital he wasn't letting her go. He'd resign first. He'd admit to inappropriate behavior with a resident, let his career take the hit and let hers shine. She meant so much more to him than a career and he'd spend the rest of his life making sure she knew it. Shaking his head he couldn't believe she felt the same about him; as much as he'd let her down, hurt her, she'd been fighting for him. Keeping herself in the spotlight to make sure Coyle didn't come after him. Never again. He'd promised her last night he would spend his life making this up to her. She'd argued with him when he'd shared his plan to resign until he pointed out to her that she'd put her life on the line for him. She'd quieted down after that, telling him she had faith that everything would work out fine with the hospital. He didn't have that same faith, but whatever happened he had Claire. She'd done her fair share of making promises last night, too. God he loved this woman, he must have thanked God a hundred times just last night for giving him this brilliant, beautiful, stubborn, compassionate woman to love. And love her he would. He'd protect her, too. Once Coyle was taken care of, one way or another, he was going ring shopping. Just thinking of putting a ring on Claire's tiny finger made him ridiculously giddy.

The ringing of his cell phone pulled him out of his pleasant thoughts as he hurried to answer before the phone woke Claire. It was Alex, Neil hoped he had some good news. "Yeah, Alex," he answered. 

"Neil," Alex said.

Alex's tone had Neil on his feet, "What is it?"

"We need you and Claire to stay at the hotel, we'll be there in about an hour."

"Who will be here?" Neil asked.

"The police, but I'll be there for moral support. It's bad, Neil, real bad," Alex's voice was shaking slightly.

"What the hell happened?" Neil demanded. 

"Claire left her car parked at the ballroom where the prom was held. This morning some kids were playing ball baseball and it was hit by a foul ball. It exploded, Neil. There was a bomb on the car. No one was hurt, but if we hadn't gone to the police and secured hotel rooms, Claire and Morgan would have driven that car home last night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sound track for this chapter:  
> Cyndi Lauper "Time After Time"  
> Breaking Benjamin "Who Wants to Live Forever"  
> Tim McGraw "She's My Kind of Rain"  
> Nickelback "Never Gonna Be Alone"
> 
> I apologize, this chapter just didn't want to be written. I'm still not happy with it. Ugh.


	5. Defiant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil is shaken to to his soul after learning of the car bomb that could've taken Claire from him forever though he's still struggling with his feelings of guilt; haunted because he had been willing to let her go to save her career and yet didn't see the real monster looming, threatening to take her away forever. Claire is shaken but determined to nail Coyle and claim her and Neil's long deserved happiness. An unexpected apology at the hospital stuns them both.

They sat huddled around the table in the hotel room; Neil, Claire, Alex, Morgan, Brandon and Detective Jeffries. Neil kept a close eye on Claire; she'd been shocked and horrified when he'd told her about her car but had taken the news better than he had. After she'd absorbed the shock and what could have happened he'd seen an almost defiant look in her eyes. He didn't know whether to be relieved or worried. 

"We found blood on the bomb and one finger print. We believe Dr. Coyle cut himself while placing the explosives on the vehicle. The print is his, they blood type is his and we have a rush on a DNA sample. He is under surveillance and we have a lead on where he purchased the items needed to build the device. We are closing in on him but in the meantime we will assure your safety," Detective Jeffries looked from Claire and Neil to Morgan, "You'll be protected at the hospital and we'll move you to a different hotel. That doesn't mean your location has been compromised, we just want to stay ahead of him."

Claire sighed, "I really just want to go home."

"I understand, Dr. Browne, but I need you to appreciate the seriousness of the situation," the detective told her.

"He tried to rape me. He is stalking me. Now he's tried to kill not only me but Morgan. He could have killed those kids playing baseball. I'd appreciate if you'd catch the bastard. If you can protect us in a hotel why can't you protect us at home?"

Everyone looked startled at Claire's response and Morgan gave her a small grin, "There's that backbone," she said. 

Claire smiled at her friend, then turned to Neil, "Neil I'm tired. I just want to go home. Please," she all but begged him, expecting an argument.

Neil squeezed her hand and surprised everyone when he said slowly, "I think it would be best for Claire to be home if there is a safe way to make that happen. What about private security?" He looked at Jeffries, "I can hire private security to work with you and fill in the gaps. Surely there's someone you can recommend?"

"There is a firm the department works with on occasion. I can get in contact with them but I do have to warn you it's not cheap," the detective said.

Neil waved his hand, "Whatever it takes. Do whatever you need to do to set it up. How soon do you think we can get home?"

"Forty eight hours tops," Jeffries told him.

"And for Dr. Reznik?" Neil asked.

"Oh, Neil...Dr. Melendez I can't...," Morgan stammered.

"After everything you've done for Claire it's the least I can do. You would have been in that car last night, too," he told her. 

Morgan paled but then replied in a way that only Morgan could, "Oh, Claire now I feel bad for laughing and calling him an idiot."

That broke some of the tension in the room, "Oh? And when was this?" Neil looked between Claire and Morgan.

Claire smiled and said, "The night I went to Morgan's after I found the rat," she shivered, "We were sitting with our backs to her front door while we were waiting for Alex to get there and just started laughing. Morgan said she'd like to call you an idiot. In our defense we were terrified and I believe the laughter was brought on by hysteria."

"See?" Alex said to Neil, "Stubborn, pain in the ass that drives me nuts. That goes for both of you," he told Claire and Morgan. 

Neil shook his head and looked at the detective who was texting the security firm, "Make it happen, Detective, for Dr. Reznick as well."

"Thank you," Morgan replied. 

"All right," Detective Jeffries stood, "I'll be in touch later today. In the meantime, keep your eyes open and be vigilant. I'll let you know when I hear back from the security firm and our officers will be around at all times. If you need anything don't hesitate to call me anytime. If you see Coyle let one of our officers know immediately and don't engage."

The men all shook hands and Claire caught up to the detective at the door, "I want to apologize for being short with you. I know you're working very hard. Thank you," she reached out and shook his hand. 

He smiled warmly at her, "Think nothing of it. I'll be in touch," he told her and made his exit.

"Well," Morgan said, "I think we'll head back to our room. What time should we meet at the hospital?"

Neil looked between her and Alex, "You sure you want to do this?"

"Absolutely," she said, "I say we all meet at two and go in together, you know, a united front."

"Sound's good, Morgan, and I'll let Shaun know. Meet in Melendez's office at two?" Alex asked.

Morgan, Claire and Neil agreed on that plan as Alex, Morgan and Brandon began to file out of the room. Morgan stopped suddenly and turned to Claire with tears in her eyes, pulling Claire into a hug. Claire was surprised and hugged Morgan back tightly.

Neil watched with a lump in his throat as the two women embraced.

"I'm glad we're not dead," Morgan told Claire.

"Me too," Claire told Morgan.

They embraced a moment longer and Morgan straightened, "See you at two...we'll go kick some admin ass."

They all laughed as Morgan shut the door behind her. 

"She just may get us all fired," Neil said.

Claire looked up at Neil, "There are worse things."

"Yes," he said, running his hand along her cheek, "there are. You could have been in that car last night."

She stood on tiptoe and put her arms around his neck, "But I wasn't," she kissed him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, "If you had been...," his voice broke and he buried his face in her hair and held her tight, "How am I ever supposed to let you out of my sight?"

Claire held him tightly. He'd been shattered when he woke her this morning to tell her what had happened to her car, beside himself. She never, ever wanted to see him like that again; her heart ached seeing him so...lost. She hadn't taken the news that well either. She'd felt a mixture of emotions, horror, shock, disgust, relief and finally anger. She was done losing people she cared about. She and Neil had just reunited and then boom...literally. Coyle had threatened Neil and tried to kill Morgan and herself. She wasn't having anymore of it. She was done. Claire Browne was going to be happy. She deserved it and no one was going to scare her any longer. The hospital? Bring it, she thought. She could have been killed not once but twice, so what more could they possibly do to her? Ruin her career? She'd wanted to be a surgeon for as long as she could remember and she would be, if not at St. Bonaventure then in a tiny regional medical center in the middle of nowhere. She would be disappointed but being disappointed and happy sure beat having it all professionally and not having the man in her arms by her side every step of the way. 

Her heartbeat pickup up at that thought. He was hers. That made her giddy with joy. She supposed she could curl up and cry about what could have happened had she and Morgan taken her car home last night but they hadn't and she was damn tired of Coyle and the hospital interfering in her happiness. Looking up at Neil she pressed a firm kiss on his lips, "Who says you have to let me out of your sight?" She teased.

"You do. You wouldn't let me in the bathroom this morning," he released his grip on her enough so he could lean back and look at her.

She rolled her eyes, "I was peeing, Neil," resting her hands on his chest she kissed him again.

Still gripping her waist Neil said, "I'm not complaining at all, but what have I done to deserve all the kisses?"

She laughed, "You're mine again. I'm just enjoying being able to kiss you whenever I want."

"I never stopped being yours," he said quietly.

"Oh yeah? So if I did this," she leaned up and kissed him again, this time longer. She took advantage of his gasp, darting her tongue into his mouth to duel with his for a long moment before pulling back, "If I'd come to your office and done that three weeks ago, what would you have done?" She asked a little breathlessly, "Reached in your desk and given me a copy of hospital policy?"

He gave her a serious look, "I'd have caved," He admitted.

Hands now on her hips she glared at him, "You what?"

"I would have caved," he shrugged.

"You mean that's all I would have had to do to get you to stop hating yourself and thinking you'd ruined my career?" She asked in disbelief. 

"Probably," he grinned. 

"Oh my God!" Claire said indignantly, heading for the bathroom. Neil was right behind her when she gave him an annoyed look, "What are you doing?"

"Not letting you out of my sight," he smiled wickedly at her. 

"Peeing, Neil. You can let me out of your sight long enough for me to pee."

"You have to pee again?" He asked as he quickly got out of the way of the quickly closing bathroom door. 

"I've had three cups of coffee!" She raised her voice to be heard through the door.

Neil laughed at her, heading back to the bed to give her privacy. He plopped onto the bed and started at the ceiling. He was relieved she was taking the news of her car being bombed as well as she was but he was struggling with terror. Claire seemed to now have a sense of anger, no, defiance about her. Where his emotions were bouncing around like a pinball she was steady. He was terrified and she was strong. Stubborn..."oooffff!"

Claire had appeared and very enthusiastically straddled him with a big grin on her face that faded when she saw his expression. She rolled off and to the side of him, smoothing his thick dark hair off his face, placing her chin on his chest, "Tell me what you're thinking, baby," she whispered. 

"I'm good," he smiled, "I'm so glad to see you happy," he twirled her hair.

"Nope," she said, "Tell me."

"I just can't stop thinking that I could have lost you forever. I'm just trying to work through that, Claire," He didn't like her worried look, "I'm going to be honest, Claire. I'm terrified. Until Coyle is behind bars or dead I'm going to stay terrified. I can't lose you," he twirled her hair, "I'm so proud of you, baby. You are being so strong about all of this."

"Neil I've been scared and alone all my life. I know Coyle is still a threat and I'm scared, too, but I'm not giving in to that anymore. I mean, I have everything I want right here, right now. I'm not stupid, I know things may not go well at the hospital today and if I wind up doing appendectomies and colonoscopies in a small rural hospital then so be it; as long as I'm happy."

Still twirling her hair he asked, "And I make you that happy?"

"Yes, you do," she leaned in and kissed him.

"Even though I let you down? I broke my promise that you'd never be alone again."

She pulled herself farther up on his chest so that they were face to face and kissed him, "You didn't let me down, not at all. No one has ever been there for me the way you have, Neil. You were looking out for my career. I knew you loved me, I knew that. I was angry that you didn't let me make my own decision about the risks I was willing to take but I never once felt like you abandoned me. I knew all I had to do was call you and you'd be there. That falls on me, Neil. I'm sick of living in fear. We deserve to be happy."

"You're right you know. If I'd had an inkling what was going on with you I'd have been there for you," he gave her a smirk, "but you took that decision away from me. You didn't let me make my own decision about the risks I was willing to take."

Claire glared at him, "You just...he threatened you! I was afraid for your life! That was...different," she lost steam by the time she was done speaking. 

"Mmm hmmm," he said, flipping her over so she was pinned under him, "So you see, we both made bad decisions," she wiggled beneath him but his lips on her neck stopped that. He kissed her neck, finding the spot just behind her ear that drove her crazy.

"You don't play fair," she gasped.

"Never said I did," he said, then went back to work behind her ear. 

"How long do we have before we have to be at the hospital?" She sighed.

"Long enough," he said.

At exactly three o'clock Neil, Claire, Alex, Morgan and Shaun walked into the boardroom at the hospital. Neil firmly held onto Claire's hand as they walked in, Claire holding her head high as she felt four pairs of eyes zeroing in on her and Neil, and sat down. Dr. Glassman glanced at the two police officers outside the door of the boardroom and asked, "Just exactly what kind of meeting are you expecting Dr. Melendez?"

Before Neil could answer Alex stood up and opened the briefcase he'd been toting, taking out folders and handing one to Lim, Andrews, Glassman and Allegra, "Since we're all here I thought now would be a great opportunity to address the real threat to the careers of Dr. Browne, Dr. Melendez and Dr. Reznik. If you'll open your folders and look at the first few pages you'll see some very disturbing images of Dr. Browne."

Claire turned and looked at Neil who slightly shook his head, wondering the same thing Claire was wondering. 

"Several months ago Dr. Browne was viciously assaulted in a locker room at St. Bonaventure by Dr. Matthew Coyle after refusing his sexual advances," Alex continued.

Allegra gasped and covered her mouth, Dr. Lim looked away from the photos while Dr. Andrews was grimacing at the photos. Dr. Glassman looked over the photos and then to Claire, "Dr. Browne?"

Shaun piped up at that moment, "I saw it. He was choking her. Dr. Coyle was choking her and she was bleeding."

Dr. Glassman looked at Shaun, "You saw it and didn't tell anyone?"

"Claire wanted to go home. She was bleeding."

"Dr. Browne, why didn't you report this?" Dr. Andrews asked her.

"Because I was afraid and...ashamed. In hindsight I know that I should have reported it immediately," Neal squeezed her hand.

Audrey spoke up, "I did go to her home and examine her. I'm the one that took the photos in the event she decided she wanted to bring charges against Matthew Coyle."

Allegra said, "As terrible as this is I don't see what it has to do with why we're here."

Neil stood, surprised when Claire stood with him, still holding his hand, "We're here because I want to let you all know that I am aware a favoritism complaint was filed against myself with concerns that I favor Dr. Browne," he continued, "but at the time the favoritism complaint was made there was nothing inappropriate going on. I admit I crossed the professional line between an attending physician and a resident. I take full responsibility for my actions and apologize to both Dr. Browne and this hospital. I will accept any punishment the hospital sees fit to hand down. I am prepared today to offer my resignation if that is what is decided to be in the best interest of the hospital and Dr. Browne. It has been made clear to me many times the implications the relationship between Dr. Browne and myself may have on her career in the future and accept full responsibility should any such unfortunate situation arise."

"And yet you're holding her hand," Dr. Andrews commented, "so it's easy to assume you don't regret your actions."

"No, I don't," Neil declared. 

"Have a seat," Dr. Glassman said to Neil, then turned to Alex, "Do you care to continue to explain why there are still two armed police officers outside my doors?"

"Of course," Alex said easily, "If you look at the next page you'll see what Dr. Coyle left for Claire at her home, and please pay attention to the writing on the inside of the lid of the...gift box."

There were several gasps, then Dr. Andrews asked, "Is this a threat to Melendez?"

"Yes it is," Alex continued, "You see, while the hospital has been busy trying to put the fear of God into Dr. Browne and Dr. Melendez, Matthew Coyle has been stalking Dr. Browne and just last night he wired an explosive device to Dr. Browne's car; a car she and Dr. Reznick would have been driving home last night had they both not been under police protection. My point is, you have all been so focused on something inappropriate going on between Dr. Browne and Dr. Melendez and yet when a sociopath was roaming these halls preying on young women none of you noticed. If you look at the last pages in your folder you'll see what's left of Dr. Browne's car and then a list of more than twenty five doctors and nursing staff that were harassed by Matthew Coyle, some of whom brought their concerns to the board, yet the hospital board did nothing to stop it. The only thing I have to add is that I'm proud to work with Dr. Browne and Dr. Melendez and as a resident of Dr. Melendez I will firmly state that my education hasn't suffered at all due to the relationship between them."

After Alex sat down, Dr. Andrews spoke, "While we are very upset to hear what is going on with Dr.'s Melendez, Browne and Reznick, that still doesn't excuse the m inappropriate behavior between Dr. Melendez as an attending and Dr. Browne as his resident."

Shaun piped up, "That is wrong. Dr. Melendez loves Claire. Claire loves Dr. Melendez. They can't just stop because you say so."

Allegra directed a question at Shaun, "Dr. Murphy, do you feel your education and residency program has suffered, or that you've been slighted by the favoritism Dr. Melendez shows Dr. Brown?"

"No it's better now. She makes him not so arrogant and he listens to us more. He makes Claire happy. I like when Claire is happy."

Morgan stood up, "May I say something?" Without waiting for an answer she kept talking, "I'm the one who filed the favoritism complaint. I'm sorry I did it. Dr. Melendez doesn't favor Dr. Browne," she sighed, "He backs her up because she is usually right. I filed the complaint because I was pissed and jealous. I'll never be the surgeon the Dr. Browne will be, that she already is. When these two," she pointed at Neil and Clare, "work together it's natural. It's weird because I swear one knows what the other is thinking. If you're stupid enough to let either one of them go, that's your loss."

Dr. Glassman looked at Morgan a long moment, "So you retract your complaint?"

"Yes Sir, I do," Morgan answered.

"May I say something?" Claire asked, standing.

"Of course," Dr. Glassman told her. 

"When I was accepted into the residency program at St. Bonaventure I was overjoyed. This was my dream come true, something I fought for all my life. I...,"

Allegra interrupted her, "I understand what you're trying to say Dr. Browne and I truly feel for your current predicament with Dr. Coyle, but as a resident at this facility you have jeopardized our reputation as well as your own and that of Dr. Melendez. Situations like this are the reason we have policies in place to prohibit...,"

"Excuse me," Claire held her hand up, "I understand hospital policies, protocol and everything administrators such as yourself work so hard to put on paper where your ideas look nice and neat. The problem is that life is not nice and neat. Life doesn't look good on paper. Life is messy. We lose patients, bad things happen, good things happen and none of that looks good on paper or in your policies. I understand the need for policy and protocol but I also understand people. There are relationships, appropriate and inappropriate that happen in this hospital all the time. I fell fell in love," she shrugged, "I wasn't looking to, I wasn't trying to, it just happened. I don't regret it and I wouldn't change it for anything," she sat down, grasping Neil's hand tightly.

There was a moment of silence, then Allegra nodded at Dr. Andrews, who in turn nodded to Dr. Lim, who smiled at Dr. Glassman. Dr. Glassman addressed Claire and Neil, who stood, still clutching one another's hands. 

"You've quite an impressive bunch here, Neil. I find it hard to imagine any of your residents feel slighted because of your relationship with Dr. Browne since they all showed up to speak on your behalf. As of right now there is no favoritism complaint on file and while we can all agree that professional lines have been blurred it has obviously not negatively affected your residents or your patients," he turned to Claire, "Dr. Browne I'm terribly sorry for all that you have endured and you have the full support of this hospital behind you. And, uh, congratulations on," he paused and waved his hand and Claire and Neil, "whatever it is you should be congratulated on."

Claire couldn't believe her ears. She looked at Neil and saw his relieved smile as he squeezed her hand. 

"There is the matter of Dr. Coyle and the safety risk he poses to our staff and patients," Dr. Glassman said, "We will need asses risk and, obviously, be of any assistance we can to the police."

Alex spoke up, "Detective Jeffries will be her in thirty minutes," He stood, "Anyone feel like a coffee in the cafeteria?"

NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE UP TOMORROW!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've put in a lot of hours at work this week and apologize for because I'm just not happy with this chapter. I wanted to get something up so here it is, I promise I'll do better tomorrow.


	6. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While administrators at the hospital have cleared the favoritism complaint they have deemed it best that the doctors not come to work until he is apprehended.

The tired group of doctors sat around the table in the cafeteria drinking coffee and discussing how things had gone. Neil was very grateful as he looked around the table at his group of residents, "I cannot thank all of you enough," he said, "you put everything on the line for us in there."

Morgan spoke up, "I feel terrible for the part I played in getting both of you into this mess. I filed that complaint out of pure jealously and just to be a bitch. I'm sorry."

Claire leaned across the table, placed her hand over Morgan's, "You were there when I needed you."

Morgan grinned, "Yeah. I was so surprised to see St. Claire at my door late at night babbling about a rat and Coyle and being afraid Neil's hands would be cut off. It took me an hour to figure out what the hell was going on."

Shaun said, "Claire doesn't like rats. She's scared of them. She screamed very loud when we saw one in the parking garage. It hurt my ears."

Neil laughed, "I remember. I was on another level of the parking deck and I heard that scream."

"You were nice to me," Claire said to Morgan, ignoring Shaun and Neil making fun of her, "You washed my scrubs that night so I'd have something to wear for work the next day."

"I felt so bad for you. I mean, I'm a bitch but you're just _so nice,_ I hated seeing you like that. I never imagined we be friends," she smiled. 

"Me either, but I'm glad we are. I never thought I'd enjoy shooting a gun or singing at the bar...or a prom," Claire added.

Alex piped up, "I never thought I'd be babysitting your stubborn asses," he looked pointedly at Claire and Morgan, I swear I've dealt with criminals that were better behaved. I'd just get you safe in one place and then it was, 'Alex, we're going to the karaoke bar' or 'Alex we need to teach Claire to defend herself' or even 'Alex, we need to stop for coffee before work, the coffee at the hospital sucks' and the best was 'Alex, Claire's singing with my boyfriend's band a the prom'. Jesus."

Neil shot a sideways glance at Claire, "What's that look for?" She asked innocently.

Neil shook his head, holding out his hands, "Nothing. Just something Alex said when I asked him how you were holding up."

"And what was that?" Claire asked Alex. 

"That you were being a stubborn pain in the ass and driving me crazy. I told him I was glad you were _his_ pain in the ass," Alex laughed. 

"Claire is not a pain in the ass. Claire is nice. She makes Dr. Melendez be nice. Morgan is even being nice."

"Thank you, Shaun," Claire said, then looked at Neil, "So? Are you?"

"Am I what?" he asked cautiously.

"Are you glad I'm your pain in the ass?"

Neil looked to Alex and Shaun for help and Shaun said, "That's a bad question Claire. Like when Lea asks me if I like her clothes. If I say no she gets mad. If I say yes she gets mad and says I'm humoring her. Why do girls ask questions like that?"

Neil looked at Shaun, "When you figure out that answer, Shaun, you'll have unlocked the mystery of women."

Shaun nodded, though he looked deep in thought.

Neil turned to Claire, "Yes, I am glad that you are _my_ stubborn, beautiful, brilliant pain in the ass," he said, pressing a quick, firm kiss on her lips.

"Ugh, get a room," Morgan said.

They were all laughing when Detective Jeffries appeared. Neil and Alex stood and shook hands with the man before asking him to have a seat. The detective quickly scanned the nearly empty cafeteria before he spoke, "We have a lead on where Coyle may be holed up. We're not a hundred percent certain but we have the motel under surveillance and if he's there, we'll get him."

"Some of the hospital administrators are wanting to talk to you to assess the threat Coyle may pose to the hospital. What are your thoughts on that?" Neil asked him.

Detective Jeffries shook his head, "Our thoughts are it will be safer for all of you to remain at a hotel with police and private protection. Coyle is a narcissistic sociopath. He would enjoy a confrontation here at the hospital and to be honest we believe if you were all here he'd make this hospital his endgame; he wouldn't give a damn about how many people were hurt. We believe keeping all of you off his radar will cause him to devolve, make a mistake. When he makes that mistake we get him," he said grimly.

Alex nodded solemnly, "Coyle won't stop until someone stops him and he knows he won't get out this alive. That makes him very dangerous, but predictable. How sure are you about this lead?"

"I have officers checking it out now but based on what we've learned we're pretty sure this is where he's been staying. Right now is the most dangerous time for all of you," Detective Jeffries looked at all of them, "The fact that he failed to...accomplish what he wanted with the car bomb was a hit to his ego. He's seething, furious at his failure. He'll be looking for another way to get to Dr. Browne and Dr. Morgan, probably all of you. While that's dangerous for you, it's the easiest time for us to catch him because he'll be so focused on his task that he'll make mistakes. Now Dr. Browne, I know you want to go home but right now isn't a good time," he looked uncomfortable.

"Why? What...what's happened?" Claire asked, gripping Neil's hand tightly.

"Our plain clothes officers have reported seeing him in the area of your home, Dr. Melendez's home and Dr. Reznick's apartment."

"That son of a bitch!" Morgan slapped the table, "How long does he get to do this to us? Use me. Use me to bait him," she said.

Detective Jeffries shook his head, "Not a good idea. He's using explosives. We can't justify taking that risk."

"Then call in the FBI. The ATF. The Mafia. I don't care who you bring in, just get him. You say you think he's in a motel? Bust into the room and find out. Do something," she pleaded. 

"We've been in contact with the FBI and they are working up a profile. If we could just bust into the hotel and grab him we would, Dr. Reznick. We are on the right track, we just have to be patient."

"Where is Brandon?" Morgan suddenly looked alarmed, "He's in danger if I am, he's been with us throughout all of this."

"We've moved him to a different hotel and have cars ready to escort all of you there, as well. Again, I'm sorry about you not being able to get home just yet."

"No, it's okay. I just want everyone to be safe," she said, leaning into Neil as he wrapped his arm around her. 

The group of weary doctors once again headed to the board room where Detective Jeffries reiterated to Allegra, Dr. Andrews, Dr. Glassman and Dr. Lim what he'd just discussed with them all downstairs. Allegra was pale and shocked, Dr. Glassman was clearly rattled as he and Allegra spoke at greater length with Detective Jeffries as Dr. Andrews made his way over to where Neil was standing with Claire pulled tightly into his side.

"Are you two, uh, holding up okay?" He asked somewhat awkwardly. 

"We're managing. We'll get through it," Neil answered him.

Marcus looked at his feet then back up at Neil, "I owe you both an apology. I know I pushed you hard, Neil. I tried to push you away from Claire, tried to intimidate you and make you think you'd ruin her career. I didn't realize how serious your relationship was."

"Did you ask?" Claire spoke up.

"No," he replied, "No I didn't, and I am sorry about that. I'm glad things worked out and we're able to retain both of you, all of you," He waved his hand toward where Morgan, Alex and Shaun were standing together, "You have a hell of a team here."

"Yes I do," Neil said, "I'm proud of all of them, professionally and personally."

"Dr. Browne I want to apologize on behalf of all of us here about Dr. Coyle's...I want to tell you how sorry I am about what he did to you. Those pictures are not anything I will soon forget. I can't imagine what you've been through," his eyes held Claire's.

"I wish now that I'd reported it immediately. If I had maybe we wouldn't be living this nightmare now," she looked at Neil.

Neil shook his head, "You don't know that, Claire. It may have made things worse."

Marcus felt like a jackass. The love between the couple standing in front of him was palpable. There was nothing tawdry or illicit going on between them, there never had been. Truth be told he'd always known that. In the years Melendez had been an attending he'd never once been inappropriate with any of his residents. He should have backed Melendez instead of using his situation to climb the ranks in hospital administration. Neil deserved to hear that and so did Claire. "Neil, I'm not proud of the part I've played in the investigation of you and Claire. I knew you would never abuse your position and Claire, I knew you would never risk everything you worked so hard to attain. I really, truly apologize for not standing behind the both of you."

Neil was surprised at the sincerity in Marcus' voice and in his eyes, "I appreciate that, Marcus," Neil reached out and shook the other man's hand. 

"If there's anything I can do, please let me know," Marcus said, nodding to them both.

"That was unexpected," Claire said to Neil.

"Yes it was. It was actually damn decent of him," He looked at Claire, "You look tired, baby."

"I am," she replied. 

"I'll go round up Jeffries so we can get to the hotel," He kissed her cheek.

Claire looked up and saw Audrey walking towards her, "How are you, Claire?" She asked, eyes concerned.

"I'm okay. Scared. Angry too I guess, but being with Neil is helping."

Audrey nodded, "I'm sorry things had to play out like this, and I'm truly happy for you and Neil. He was miserable without you, you know, and that made the rest of us miserable. I've known him a long time and never seen him as happy as he is with you. I'm happy for you both," she leaned forward and hugged Claire, then turned to face Neil as he approached, "I was just telling Claire how happy I am for you both. And," she looked at Claire yawning, "I think you'd better get her somewhere safe and rest."

"We're heading out now," he reached for Claire's hand bid Audrey good night as a plainclothes detective led them out of the hospital and into a waiting car. 

After arriving at the hotel Claire and Neil quickly got ready for bed. Claire finished rubbing her moisturizing lotion on and crawled in bed, the cool, crisp sheets feeling good on her skin. "Oh, either this is the most comfortable bed I've ever been in or I'm just really, really tired," she said on a yawn.

"You're exhausted," Neil told her as she settled in beside him, laying her head on his shoulder, "and you smell good," he smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Mmmmm, so do you," she told him, curling her legs up against his, "I can't wait until this is over and we can be normal people."

"I know, sweetheart, I can't either. I want to work side by side with you, take a weekend getaway and even introduce you to my parents."

"Really?" she perked up, "You want me to meet your parents?"

"Of course," he said, "they'll love you. My mother will adore you."

"Will she show me photo albums from your childhood?" she asked.

"Mmmm hmmm. I'm sure she will."

"Then I can't wait! I can't wait to see pictures of a cute little Neil dressed up for Halloween and at Christmas," she fought another yawn, "Did I also hear something about a weekend getaway?" 

"You did," he told her, "I was thinking a tropical getaway? Blue water, warm sun and sand."

"Oh my God, that sounds wonderful," she said against his chest. 

"Baby you need to get some sleep," he said. 

"I know, I want to go to sleep but I don't want the nightmares."

Neil dropped a kiss to her lips, "If you have the nightmares I'll be right here. Come on, roll over and I'll rub your back until you fall asleep."

Claire look up at Neil and kissed him back, "I love you."

His eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled down at her, "I love you, too."

Claire let out soft sighs as Neil's hands worked on the tense muscles of her back. He massaged her back until her even breathing told him she was asleep, then pulled her in close to him and wrapped himself around her. 

Once again, Neil found himself being woken by an early morning phone call. He gently untangled himself from Claire and hurried to reach his cell phone. He didn't want to wake her, she'd slept through the night with no nightmare, thank God. He saw it was again Alex calling, "Alex these early morning calls are becoming a habit," he said by way of greeting. 

"I think you'll be glad to get this call, Neil. He's dead. Coyle is dead."

Neil quickly took the phone into the bathroom to avoid waking Claire, "What? How?"

"He did exactly what Jeffries said he'd do. He made a mistake. He was holed up in the motel as they thought, and they surprised him outside as he was carrying bomb making materials out to his car. The police had him cornered at gun point when he reached into his pocket. The officers shot. It was a suicide by cop, bastard was a coward to the end," Alex said in disgust.

Relief pulsed through Neil as he wrapped his head around what Alex was telling him, "Thank Christ," he said, "Claire's sleeping, I'm not going to wake her now, she needs to sleep but as soon as she wakes up I'll fill her in. She can't wait to get home."

"No nightmares last night?" Alex asked.

"No and I hope they'll be few and far between if they do occur again."

"Yeah, the ones I was around for were pretty brutal. You let her sleep, then get your girl home, Neil," Alex said, a hint of emotion in his voice.

"Alex, I can never thank you enough for everything you've done to help Claire," Neil said.

"Hey, once a cop always a cop, but I really am glad she's your bundle of joy. I'm going to call bundle of joy number two now and let her know she and Brandon are safe."

Neil laughed, "Yeah, that poor kid Brandon has his hands full with Morgan."

"Take care, Neil, and I'll see you tomorrow at work," Alex said.

"See you tomorrow," Neil said, hanging up the phone and pulling the curtains shut to darken the room before crawling back into the bed with Claire. She stirred slightly but curled into him and quickly settled back into sleep. He gazed down at her sleeping form, tiny and beautiful pressed against him. Relief and happiness coursed through him; today was the beginning of their long awaited for new normal. He couldn't wait to tell her but wouldn't wake her now. For now he was happy to watch her sleep while he happily thought of their future together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack for this chapter:  
> Breaking Benjamin "I Will Not Bow"  
> Disturbed "The Light"  
> Bon Jovi "Livin' on a Prayer"


	7. Home for Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coyle's dead, , Claire needs to see him

Claire woke to see Neil smiling down at her, "Are you watching me sleep again?" 

"Guilty as charged," He smiled. 

"You're smiling. I mean you're really smiling, what's going on?" Neil looked almost carefree as he twirled her hair. 

"Yes, I'm really smiling because I'm really happy. As soon as you get your bags packed I can take you home. Coyle is dead, Claire."

Claire sat up straight, "What? How?"

"Alex said the police cornered him carrying bomb making materials out the motel they suspected he was holed up in. They had him at gun point and he reached into his pocket. The officers had no choice but to shoot. You're safe, we're all safe. He'll never hurt anyone again."

Claire had difficulty sorting through her emotions. She felt relief, certainly, but flashbacks of all the turmoil he'd caused were spinning through her mind, searching for something, "I...I don't know what to say. I...I need to see him," she said. Yes, that was it. She had to see him. She knew instinctively she had to in order to put this behind her, she needed closure. 

Neil frowned, "Claire, he's dead."

She nodded, "I know, but I need to see him. I need to know for sure."

He thought back to the day Coyle had attacked her, how bruised, battered and scared she was, the nightmares and the past few months she'd been putting herself out there to protect him from the monster that had threatened him. She'd spent the last two months carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, of course she needed to see him. He'd tried to rape her, he'd placed a bomb on her car for God's sake. Claire was strong but he knew between the terror of dealing with Coyle, and being scrutinized and threatened at the hospital she must feel pretty vulnerable right now, thought she'd never admit it. She needed proof that he'd could never hurt her again. "Okay," he kissed her, "I'll call Jeffries while you get dressed and pack up. We'll go see him, then we're going home." 

"I can't wait to go home!" the smile she gave him took his breath away.

Claire looked at Neil nervously at the morgue, "You don't have to go in with me, I know you probably think this is kind of weird."

"No, I don't think that at all. He terrorized you, Claire, you need to see for yourself that he really can't hurt you anymore," Neil told her, rubbing his thumb in circles over her hand, "You ready?" 

"Yes," they followed Dr. Jeffries into the morgue. 

Claire gripped Neil's hand tightly as they followed the detective into the morgue, held her breath when they stopped and Detective Jeffires opened a drawer and looked her, "You sure you want to do this?" He asked.

She nodded, and he unzipped bag. Claire didn't know what she thought she'd feel as she stared down at the body of the man who had attacked her, stalked her, tried to kill her and Morgan; the man who had threatened the man standing by her side with his arm tightly around her waist. She felt no joy looking at the grayed body of Coyle, but she felt relief. She felt the tight band of fear that had been constricting her lungs, her heart, being to ease. She didn't have to fear anything anymore. She felt the weight of the world lift off her shoulders as she drew in a deep breath. Leaning slightly towards him she said softly, "You'll never hurt anyone again," she thought for a moment, then added, "Thank you, you bastard."

Neil's head whipped around when she said that, but he said nothing until they got into his car, "Claire, are you all right?"

She turned her head to look at him and he tried not to be distracted by her bouncing curls, but it was her smile that took his breath away, "Yes, I'm fine."

"Why the hell did you _thank_ him?"

She met his perplexed eyes, "He was a lot of bad things, but he was the catalyst that brought us together."

Neil stared at her for a long moment, "Claire," he started.

"Seriously, Neil," she interrupted him, "if he hadn't...hurt me, do you really believe we'd be together now or would we still be tiptoeing around each other, ignoring our feelings and pretending to just be friends?"

"I...we'd...hell, I don't know," he said, running his hands through his hair. 

She laughed at him, "Oh, honey, we would definitely still be pretending to be just friends."

"No, he said, "no, I was having a really hard time keeping my feelings for you to myself. You were driving me crazy. You and Dash," he sounded exasperated.

"You encouraged me to go out with Dash!" She laughed, "Geez, Neil, Dash _knew_ I was in love with you. You insisted on being so stoic and professional, you were driving _me_ crazy! You definitely needed to work on your communication back then, Dr. Melendez. You were sending me mixed signals."

Neil turned in his seat so he was facing her, "Okay, Dr. Browne, how's this for communication? I love you," he reached up and twirled her hair, "You are the most caring, compassionate, giving person I've ever met. You have a stubborn streak a mile wide, a smile so beautiful you take my breath away, you are a brilliant surgeon with unlimited potential, when I work with you it's as easy as breathing and when I see you succeed my heart swells with pride and somehow, you're mine. All mine."

Claire stared at him, eyes glassy with tears, "Well, I love you too, Dr. Melendez," she lifted her chin at him, "I've loved you since, well I don't even know, I can't pinpoint it. You're the best friend I've ever had. No one has ever gone out of their way to help me on a personal or professional level they way you have, I get butterflies when you look at me, and when your facade of stuffy arrogance cracked and I got to know the real you I met the most selfless, wonderful man I've ever known. And, to the dismay of many nurses, you are all mine," she leaned in to place a quick kiss on his lips but he had other ideas. He buried his hands in her hair and gave her a long, slow sweet kiss. When he pulled away she smiled at him and said shyly, cheeks flushing, "I get more than butterflies when you do that."

He gave her a wicked smile and a wink before pulling out of the parking lot and drove home.

When he pulled into his driveway he got out of the car and opened Claire's door for her, taking her hand and leading her up to the house and into the front door. Claire sighed, "Oh my God it's so good to be home." 

Neil's arms wrapped around her waist, "It's good to have you home. It just didn't feel like home without you here," He rested his chin on top of her head.

She wrapped her arms around him and whispered, "I missed being here with you."

Neil pulled back from her slightly so he could look into her eyes, "You could have come home whenever you wanted, you know."

She nodded, chewing her lip and thinking, "I know I could have, but sometimes things have to happen the way the happen. Who knows, I may have come home and it would have been a disaster for us. I think everything happened just the way it was supposed to happen."

He held her gaze and nodded in agreement, "You're probably right."

She glanced around the living room and saw that all her plants were still alive, "You watered my plants?"

"Of course. Come here, you should see the deck and the flowers you planted in the backyard," he led her outside to the back deck.

She squealed in joy, "Oh wow! It looks amazing! We have to have a glass of wine out here tonight."

Neil loved the joy he saw in her eyes, "We will," he pulled her into his side as they both looked at outside area Claire had worked so hard to make into a beautiful, peaceful retreat. 

Neil cleared his throat, "So I was thinking that maybe you would like to make this your permanent home?"

She turned and looked at him wide eyed and he looked adorably nervous, "You mean you want me to live here and only here and not at my house?" She babbled.

He smiled at her, "That's exactly what I mean," he led her inside and into the kitchen, "You being here makes this a home. You made it our home, and of course I want you to live here with me."

Smiling, she nodded, "I do want that, very much."

Neil picked her up and twirled her around, kissing her again before setting her down, "Here, before I forget," he handed her a piece of paper.

Unfolding it she frowned, "Why did you keep this?"

"Isn't that what you drew up for landscaping in the front yard?"

She nodded, remembering the day he'd told her she couldn't be seen planting flowers and bushes in the front yard. The memory still stung.

"Well, I ordered everything you have written on there and the nursery will be delivering everything early Saturday morning. That is," he pointed at the paper she was holding, "if you still want to do the work in the front yard."

Tears slipped down her cheeks as she nodded and beamed at him, "Yes I do!" She flung her arms around him, "Thank you! I really, really do love you."

He lifted her up a little bit so she didn't have to stand on her tiptoes to keep her arms around his neck, "I know how much that meant to you and it killed me to tell you that you couldn't do it."

Neither of them knew how long they held each other, but when Neil finally set her down on her feet she noticed the the blanket and pillow on the couch, "Have you been sleeping on the couch?" She asked him.

He nodded, "Since you came to my office and told me you were going to your place to go through your mail. The bed was too cold and empty without you in it." 

She smiled shyly at him, "Well then, I say we both go get reacquainted with our bed," she took his hand and pulled him toward the stairs.

He followed closely behind her on the stairs, stopping every couple of steps to press frantic kisses to her lips, and remove an item of clothing. At the top of the stairs he lifted a delightfully naked Claire into his arms and deposited her on their bed, quickly discarding his clothes and moving into Claire's arms as she reached for him. He looked down at her, her gray green eyes lit up with love and desire, her beautiful curls sprawled around her head and her hips rising to his, impatient, demanding him now; she was hot and wet as she pressed against him, urging him into her, "I don't want to wait," she gasped, arching her back, "I want you inside me now. Please."

He'd had plans to make lazy love to her all afternoon but that could wait, she wanted him now and he would not deny her, "You're finally back where you belong, Claire. You're home," he kissed her as he slid inside her.

Claire wrapped her her hands around his face, her thumbs rubbing his lips and nodded, "So are you."

He moved inside her and damn, he was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have more of their story to tell, I'm not sure how many chapters I'll write but I'll definitely be rewriting the earthquake debacle. There'll be an earthquake, but no heartbreak. I apologize for any spelling, punctuation or grammatical errors, I wanted to wrap up Coyle's story and get this chapter up.


	8. A Little Melendaire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for some happiness for Neil and Claire!

Neil glanced up and saw Claire entering his office. She looked exhausted as she plopped down on the couch. "How'd it go?" he asked, joining her on the couch. 

"As good as it could go," she sighed, shaking her head, "His abdomen was like a jigsaw puzzle. He's in ICU, I'll look in on him in a couple hours and if all is well I'll go home," she yawned, tucking her legs under her and resting her head on his chest.

He kissed her head and massaged her neck, earning a contented sigh. He continued to massage her tight muscles until her head fell completely against him and he knew she was asleep. She'd worked a long shift and then got a 16 year old kid who'd wrapped his car around a tree and she spent seven hours putting him back together; she deserved a nap. Gently he slid out from under her, grabbed a pillow and blanket out of his closet and made her comfortable on the couch before going back to work at his desk.

He was focused on his work but couldn't keep from frequently glancing at Claire's sleeping form. She was beautiful even in such an exhausted slumber. Shaking his head he couldn't believe ten months had flown by since he and Claire had walked hand in hand into Glassman's office each willing to throw everything away just to have a chance to be together. Many times over the past months had proven to them both that the risk had been worth it. He fell more in love with her everyday; even the simple things she did made him love her more. She always had dinner with him; on nights he was late at the hospital she would often doze off until he arrived home and heat whatever she'd made for dinner and they ate together. 

The awkwardness at the hospital when they'd first made it known they were a couple wore off rather quickly and they found their colleagues were happy for them. Andrews had been a surprise; he'd been supportive of them from the get go, quick to smooth over any rough spots they ran into. They had even had dinner a few times with Marcus and Isabelle. Speak of the devil and he shall appear, Neil thought as Marcus entered his office.

Marcus glanced at Claire and grinned, "She's got to be worn out," he said quietly, sitting in one of the chairs near Neil's desk, "The work she did on that kid...he was lucky she was on duty today. I'm not sure anyone else could have pulled it off."

Neil smiled, "Yeah, she is amazing."

Marcus nodded, "I thought I saw you up in the gallery."

Nodding, Neil smiled proudly, "I was in and out." 

Marcus stood, "I just came in to brag about your lady. She impressed the hell out of me me today. See you Saturday night," Marcus made his exit. 

Neil smiled. Saturday nights had become, as schedules allowed, a night for the group of them to meet at the bar Morgan's boyfriend Brandon now owned and where Morgan and Claire were hugely popular with the crowd with their renditions of 80's hits prior to Brandon's band taking the stage. Claire usually performed at least one song with the band and she often feigned exasperation at Morgan's insistence that she sing, Neil knew Claire enjoyed it. She was good, damn good, and he loved watching and listening to her sing. Singing was a touchy subject for Claire as it reminded her of her mother but she took Morgan's begging in stride and always gave in gracefully. He chuckled, he could think of Claire forever and never tire of it but he had work to do so he settled down to review his latest case.

When the alarm on Claire's phone sounded two hours later she didn't budge. Neil frowned as he made his way towards her and shut off her phone alarm and knelt beside the office couch, "Claire," he said softly, brushing her hair back from her face. She usually woke easily. He felt her forehead but she didn't feel like she had a fever, "Claire, honey you wanted to check on your patient," he said a little more loudly. That got him a grimace.

"Claire, are you all right? Are you sick?" He asked, concerned. 

"I'm fine," she mumbled, stirring, "just tired."

"Okay. While you check on your patient I'll go get the car and meet you at the front door."

She gave him a big smile, "Okay," she sat up, "That sounds good. I don't know why I'm so tired."

"Could be that you've been here for eighteen hours," Neil teased her.

"Yeah. Since I slept so long here I probably won't be able to sleep tonight," she said, pulling on her white coat.

She was asleep within minutes of being in the car. Neil furrowed his brows in concern but quickly brushed it away. There was a stomach bug working it's way through the hospital, Morgan being the latest victim. She'd come into his office looking positively green yesterday and he'd quickly told her to go home. Claire was either just really exhausted or coming down with something. 

Claire woke up feeling rested and refreshed. Neil was already at work but she had another hour before she had to be there. She quickly showered and sat down with her laptop to pay some bills. She was surprised to see her car payment was due. Frowning, she scrolled backward through her account to make sure she'd paid it last month. Seeing that she had, she tried to remember paying it last month. Of all her student loan bills she always remembered paying her car payment because that was the day she always got her period. It was like clock work. Oh my. Ohhhh, wow. She didn't remember paying her car payment last month because she didn't remember having a period last month. Today her car payment was due. So was her period. Claire paid her car payment then closed her laptop and paced. Two missed periods. Her fatigue. She quickly ran her hands along the sides of her breasts and winced at the soreness. Her breasts were always tender before her period but never this sore. She placed a shaky hand over her mouth, blinking at tears, a small, "Oh," escaping her lips. 

She would get a test, of course, but she knew, she _knew_ she was pregnant. Pregnant. She placed her hands on her still flat abdomen and laughed. She and Neil had talked at length about marriage and kids but had decided it would probably be best to wait until Claire had a couple years out of residency under belt before they would start a family. She laughed as tears ran down her cheeks. She was surprised but happy. Neil. Neil would be thrilled beyond belief. She cried harder, tears of joy just thinking about how happy Neil would be. Glancing at her watch she had thirty minutes to get to work. That that left just enough time to stop by the drugstore and pick up a test. 

Claire walked into the hospital and quickly ducked into the locker room bathroom. She quickly opened the two pregnancy tests she'd purchased and quickly set about her task. She had eight minutes to report to Lim. Good thing both brands of pregnancy tests only required five minutes. She placed the testes on a paper towel on the shelf below one of the mirrors and turned away from them, forcing herself not to watch the tests. She was so anxious she wanted to jump out of her skin! Ugh, maybe this had been a bad idea. If the results really were positive how was she going to stop from running through the halls like a crazy woman to find Neil and tell him in front of God and everyone? All right, Claire, calm down, she told herself. You are not telling Neil at the hospital, you'll tell him tomorrow at home. Yes, she nodded, tomorrow was Saturday and she could surprise him in the morning. Yes, she decided, that's what she'd do. Her thoughts bounced back and forth as she she chewed her bottom lip, waiting for the timer to go off. When it did, she reached with shaking hands for both tests, and though she knew in her heart she was pregnant she gasped at the digital "pregnant" on one stick and a bright pink plus sign on the other. She giggled and cried, trying to figure out how she was going to keep from telling Neil when she saw him today.

Neil sat in his office staring at the little black box on his desk. Nerves fluttered as he opened it, looking at the engagement ring he'd bought for Claire. Had he gone overboard? Would she like it? Taking the ring out of the box he held it up to inspect it. The ring was platinum with the band encrusted with tiny diamonds with a large solitaire diamond in the center. He'd wanted to get her the largest diamond ring he could find but the jeweler assured him the ring he'd chosen was the perfect size for Claire's tiny hands. He slid the ring onto his little finger and smiled when it didn't go past the first knuckle. Claire definitely had little fingers. With Morgan's sly help he'd been able to have the ring made to fit Claire's finger. Of course, Morgan had then insisted on seeing the ring. He chuckled remembering her response, "Damn Melendez, you really know how to put a ring on it!"

He smiled and placed the ring back in it's box and locked it in his desk. As much as he wanted to go find her now and put the ring on her finger he wouldn't, he'd wait. They were both off tomorrow and he'd surprise her tomorrow morning, then celebrate when they joined the others at the bar. 

Claire and Neil were both busy all day, with scheduled and emergency surgeries. They didn't see one another until after six that evening when they caught up to one another in the hall outside the surgical suites. 

"Hey," he stopped her, taking her hand and pulling her in for a quick hug, "How are you feeling? I thought you may have have been coming down with the stomach bug Morgan had."

Leaning her head into his chest she inhaled deeply, even in surgical scrubs he always smelled so good, "I'm fine," she smiled, heart pounding, "I was just really tired."

"Are you done for the day?" He asked. 

"I have one more patient to look in on and then I'm done."

"Want me to pick up dinner or grill the steaks in the fridge?" He smiled when her eyes lit up.

"Oh, the steaks! That sounds so good, I'm starving! Will you make your marinade?"

"Of course," he put his hand on the small of her back and pulled her close again, firmly kissing her lips, "Do you want me to wait and walk out with you?"

She shook her head, "It's okay. I parked by Morgan, we'll head out together."

He nodded, "All right. Be careful. I'll see you at home," he dropped another kiss on her lips and said, "I love you."

She smiled at him, "I love you, too."

They both turned when they heard Morgan snort, "You two are still gross after a year. Come on Claire, let's go check on our patient. I have a rock star waiting on me at home."

Claire and Neil both laughed, Neil heading for the exit, Claire joining Morgan.

Claire sat on the couch next to Neil watching a movie, content after dinner and quickly getting drowsy. She was determined to stay awake for the movie but after her head nodded into Neil's chest for the third time Neil looked at her and laughed softly, "I think it's bedtime, baby."

"No," she protested around a yawn, "I'm awake."

He turned the TV off and took her hand, leading her upstairs to their room, "Come on sleepy, we'll watch it another time."

Claire didn't argue, instead climbed into bed and snuggled up next to Neil. She was almost asleep when he spoke.

"Claire, promise me you'll see a doctor if this fatigue continues."

She nearly choked on a laugh, "I am seeing a doctor. I'm even _sleeping_ with a doctor."

Even in the dark she could see his frown, "I'm serious. You may need some labs done. I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine, I promise. If it makes you feel better I'll see my doctor Monday," and you'll be there, too she thought. She'd arranged for an appointment with an OB/GYN she knew and liked at the hospital on Monday.

"Thank you," he said.

"Mmm hmm," she mumbled against his chest.

Neil remained awake for a long while after Claire's even breathing told him she was sound asleep. He had a case of nerves thinking about tomorrow. He knew Claire would kill him if he made a grand proposal, she wasn't one for over the top romance, so he'd decided to stick to simple. What if she said no? What if she wasn't ready? What if she asked for more time? Get a grip, Melendez, he told himself. She loves you. His thoughts going in circles he finally drifted off to sleep. 

He felt Claire stirring around, and, knowing her morning routine he knew she'd be up and in the bathroom soon. Feigning sleep he watched her though his slightly opened eyes as she padded into the bathroom, wearing one of his tee shirts that hung to her knees. His heart swelled, he loved seeing his woman in his clothes. As soon as he heard water running he quickly got up and ran his hands through his hair, grabbing the black box containing her ring from his night stand. When she came out of the bathroom she was startled to see him standing there.

"I didn't know you were up," she said.

"Yeah. I, uh, have something I want to talk to you about, it's good," he stammered, "I just need to talk to you."

Claire grinned, "I need to talk to you about something, too."

Neil smiled, "Me first?"

She nodded.

Neil dropped to one knee in front of her and held out a small black box. Claire's heart pounded in her ears. Was he...

Neil opened the box and a large, shiny diamond ring sparkled bright, reflecting the morning sunlight in the room, "Claire Browne, I love you more than anything, more than life itself. I'm so proud of you, I love you so much, and I'm so very happy that you love me, too. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, showing you how much I love you. Will you marry me? Will you be my wife?"

Claire felt her cheeks flushed and wet with tears as she clapped her hands over her mouth and let out a happy cry, "Yes!" She beamed at him, "Yes, yes, a million times yes!" She reached her arms out to him.

Neil wasn't sure he'd be able to rise to his feet he was trembling so badly. For the rest of his days he'd remember her gray green eyes shining with love, looking at him with such joy. When he finally stood her to took her left hand and they were both trembling as he slid her ring on her finger. It fit perfectly.

She gasped as her eyes took in the ring on her finger. It was absolutely beautiful and she loved it, loved him so much. This was truly the happiest moment of her life. Neil wanted to marry her. She thought back four years to when she had first been working for him, trying not to let him catch her looking at him. Never in a million years did she think shed marry him. She smiled and threw her arms around his neck, crying happy tears, "Oh my God, I love it. The ring is beautiful! I love you so much!"

Relief coursed through him as he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tight, his own happy tears wetting his cheeks, "I love you, too, and I'm so glad you said yes!"

She pulled back enough to look at him, "Of course I said yes! I love you! I think I've loved you since the day I met you."

He thought about that for a moment while he looked into her eyes, "You're right. There was always something special about you, Claire," he leaned down and kissed her deeply, slowly, drowning in her. 

Claire's breath caught at the intensity of the kiss, she opened her mouth to give him full access to her, rubbing her hands over his chest and shoulders. His mouth swallowed her moans of pleasure and she protested when he pulled away, panting, leaning his forehead into hers.

"Before I get you in that bed and keep you there all day what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

Oh. Oh yes. He'd done a good job of distracting her. She reached for her bag and motioned for Neil to sit on the bed with her. She clutched the two pregnancy tests inside zip lock baggies in one hand while she covered his hand with hers, "I did make an appointment to see the doctor on Monday at eleven. I need you to come with me," she said, praying he'd be as happy as she had imagined he would be. 

His eyes were concerned, "Are you sick, Claire?"

She smiled, eyes full of happy tears, "No, I'm not sick. I'm really very happy," she pressed the baggie into his hand, "I'm pregnant, Neil. That's why I've been so tired," she reached a trembling hand up to cup the side of his face, "I very happy about it. I hope you are, too." 

He sat in stunned silence for a long moment. Pregnant. Claire was pregnant. Claire was carrying their baby, a baby he had helped create. 

"Neil?" Claire began to think he was upset.

Breaking out of his trance he grinned like an idiot. He looked at the two positive pregnancy tests she had handed him then looked at her in awe, placing his hand on her abdomen, "Our baby is in there."

Claire laughed, "Yes, I know. Monday we see Dr. Alva for our first prenatal visit and ultrasound. I figured I'm about 10 weeks. Are you...happy?" She asked.

"Am I happy? God yes I'm happy! You agreed to be my wife and your're carrying our baby, this is the happiest day of my life, Claire!" he pushed her tee shirt up and placed his hand against her abdomen, leaning down to talk to her belly, "You are an unexpected but welcome gift. Mommy and Daddy can't wait to see you," he said, choking up.

Claire covered his hand with hers, smiling at him, "I love you." 

Neil's eyes were clear and bright, "I love you, too Claire. More than you'll ever know."

She smiled and raised her eyebrows at him, "I thought I remembered you saying something about keeping me in bed all day, Dr. Melendez?"

He laughed as he laid down, pulling her close to him, "I did say that, didn't I?"

"Mmmm," she said, kissing him, "I think it was a promise."

Carefully hovering over her he said, "It was. I keep my promises, sweetheart."

"I hope so," she reached for him as he covered her mouth with his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late and I'm sorry for any grammatical errors or spelling errors, I'll edit more closely tomorrow.   
> Sorry it's taken me so long to get this up! I'm going to finish this story with a completely rewritten earthquake and I hope you like it as much as I love writing it!

**Author's Note:**

> I know I basically skipped over the build up of Neil and Claire's friendship but after finding about the end of Season 3 I was just in a hurry to fix it. I have another work in progress that will closely follow the episodes and story lines of the show and I'll post that work as soon as I finish this one. I'm sorry, this is one hell of a long chapter, but I had editing issues and couldn't break it into the two chapters I wanted to. 
> 
> Soundtrack to this Chapter  
> Breaking Benjamin "Breath"  
> Elvis Presley "Something"  
> Breaking Benjamin "I Will Not Bow"


End file.
